Ok, I will annoy some people here who are reading that blog and already think that there a too many posts in it.
i was supposed to meet up with someones today. but as these didnt happen i switched my focus. im working constantly on my tenthingsiwanttodountiltheendofyearplan. I cried a lot. and i almost managed to walk in puddles. it was very warm and raining the other day and i was very much tempted to take off my shoes. but. yes. im clinging to social conventions. anyhow it is.
so, after switching my focus i did some translation. this is where im working on my next point from that list. ive an article in english which i would really like to publish in germany. but this will only be possible if i translate it. because im german and it would be hard to justify to readers why a german author publishes in english. welcome to the german academic narrowness. anyhow it is. ive done a bit translation already and today i did more. i ve now two-three pages left and after thats done i will send it off to proof reading. this will be much easier than with english texts. i ve almost no one who reads my english texts which is quite uncomfortable. maybe i ve to acquire some 2nd year students for this. not from my course, of course. no power relation there. so, a couple of pages left and i hope to get it done tomorrow morning. and i will get it through through the review process. nobody cares, except how does the saying goes? the only ones who read an article will be the author and the grandparents. sad but true. i know im not a do-gooder because i write my own stuff.
ok. es gehts ansonsten alles drunter und drueber, aber das wusste ich ja auch auch schon vorher. nur wird daraus nun kein hehl mehr gemacht. jetzt ist es offensichtlich. ich denke, es ist nun wirklich an der zeit, den strich zu ziehen. selbst fuer mich. die f.... will nicht, weil sie schon gluecklich ist. da kann man nix machen, ausser den song zu spielen:
selbst mir reicht es. verstehen wird das eh keiner ausser mir. paska bae. mich wuerde ja nicht mal stoeren, dass wir freunde sind, aber die selbstverstaendlichkeit, mit der es geschieht, gefaellt mir nicht. ich brauche gar nicht da zu sein. nur um ihre texte zu lesen. das ist alles. und, ach ja, um auf ihre sachen in meiner wohnung aufzupassen. und ach ja, wenn ich nicht da bin, kann sie ja in meine wohnung einziehen (und er auch gleich....) aber natuerlich, ich hab nix besseres vor. und die begruendung ist immer, in seinem zimmer ist es zu klein, oder zu warm, oder er schlaeft auft der couch, oder was auch immer. im grunde laeuft alles auf dasselbe hinaus. und das ist klar.
ich geh jetzt ins bett. keinen bock mehr. wenn selbst andere sich wieder abmeldet, wenn ich online bin. da muss echt was schiefgegangen sein. und reparieren kann man das nicht mehr.
Saturday, 30 June 2007
Thursday, 28 June 2007
Over to you, Mr. Brown...
Yesterday, which i can sumarise as tosi ihana ja kiva, was quite eventful. I arrived in London after noon and went straight to meeting people. As the teacher of the first phd colloquium told us networks are the most important things. This took quite a while. In between i went to see the inaugaration of Mr. Brown. I know its not like the inaugaration of the American President but at least it's important for Britain. I made two pictures:
Imagine, there is a change and nobody goes
It is not very often that I see a crowd of people coming together to say something. There were three topics on the boards today: get the troops out of Iraq, Blair = Bliar, and safe our local hospital. I think Blair = Bliar has almost no relevance because Blair is going out of the office... Yes, of course he was the one who brought the troops in and lied. But he went out of office today and cant do anything anymore. Except he really saves the middle east... a bit paradoxical, isnt it? will bush then be special envoy to iran? or to the United Nations environmental program? retirement can be so nice. Brown has the power now to decide how iraq goes. picketing blair today is probably too late. anyhow. brown can do something about the other two. and hopefully he does (at this point i must say that there were others as well. but these two were the most vocal.) While he was running a bit late to arrive i was thinking what would be if he comes and nobody is there to protest? i mean, of course the usual thing is, and what brown expects when he gets into downing street, people are standing there and demonstrate. what if, just in case, nothing of this happens? what if the entrance to downing street is like every other day? what if there is a war and nobody joins? This would be more scaring for him as it would completely oppose his expectations (or that of his advisors). so i was thinking that a non-existing demonstration might be quite interesting to see as it would completely object common ideas of protest. Anyhow, after some time of waiting and pinching ourselves to power he finally arrived. I can only say: Venit, Vidit, Vicit. (or something like this) He was basically speeding down Whitechapel and made a hard turn into Downing Street (maybe he had to go to the loo after hours being with the queen, one knows).
Over to you, Mr. Brown
There he was then. The new prime minister. Tony had a proper check out (shaken down by now-brown's bodyguard if he has taken some silver plates with him or cherrie) and gordon had a proper check in (putting 'how the scottish rule england' on the shelves). it was very good to see this because it doesnt happen every day and i dont know if i will still be in the uk when david cameron manages to get in.
i dont know if he's better or not than blair. it will show.
Imagine, there is a change and nobody goesIt is not very often that I see a crowd of people coming together to say something. There were three topics on the boards today: get the troops out of Iraq, Blair = Bliar, and safe our local hospital. I think Blair = Bliar has almost no relevance because Blair is going out of the office... Yes, of course he was the one who brought the troops in and lied. But he went out of office today and cant do anything anymore. Except he really saves the middle east... a bit paradoxical, isnt it? will bush then be special envoy to iran? or to the United Nations environmental program? retirement can be so nice. Brown has the power now to decide how iraq goes. picketing blair today is probably too late. anyhow. brown can do something about the other two. and hopefully he does (at this point i must say that there were others as well. but these two were the most vocal.) While he was running a bit late to arrive i was thinking what would be if he comes and nobody is there to protest? i mean, of course the usual thing is, and what brown expects when he gets into downing street, people are standing there and demonstrate. what if, just in case, nothing of this happens? what if the entrance to downing street is like every other day? what if there is a war and nobody joins? This would be more scaring for him as it would completely oppose his expectations (or that of his advisors). so i was thinking that a non-existing demonstration might be quite interesting to see as it would completely object common ideas of protest. Anyhow, after some time of waiting and pinching ourselves to power he finally arrived. I can only say: Venit, Vidit, Vicit. (or something like this) He was basically speeding down Whitechapel and made a hard turn into Downing Street (maybe he had to go to the loo after hours being with the queen, one knows).
Over to you, Mr. BrownThere he was then. The new prime minister. Tony had a proper check out (shaken down by now-brown's bodyguard if he has taken some silver plates with him or cherrie) and gordon had a proper check in (putting 'how the scottish rule england' on the shelves). it was very good to see this because it doesnt happen every day and i dont know if i will still be in the uk when david cameron manages to get in.
i dont know if he's better or not than blair. it will show.
Tuesday, 26 June 2007
The mobile to serfdom...
Ok, there are too many posts in that blog already (someone, of whom will be written later on, mentioned this today). I admit, that I have read some books that hooked my mind and that I tend to be a copy cat sometimes. The title of this post is not entirely mine, just borrowed from Friedrich von Hayek's Road to Serfdom (Socialists watch out... ;) ). I don't believe him. Anyhow, this is not the point and I already can see that this post will go again weird.
I already mentioned that I took out a mobile contract. There was one offer where I got one and another for free. The friend of mine (it seems to be difficult to text for her as the mobile is not from a former paper and tyre company) saw it and asked if she could have it. I had the intention to give it to charity shops as they have the best use for it anyway. If the mobile is still of use it will go to developing countries. Some charities give them to older people who will be able to make emergency calls with them.
She was excited as well as feeling bad because now she has one of those shiny, fancy, technical gadgets. She uses it tho she isnt entirely happy with it. The last time I had to choose a mobile it was very hard to find one which could just phone and had a calendar. Since then times have changed. Now I cant even dare to think that there is a phone that just do calls and has calendar. They all have at least a camera and games on it. I dont really need these. I really just need a phone with an organizer. That's all. no tv. no internet access. no thingy telling me how the weather in south east asia is. no radio. It doesnt have to look pretty either. It just has to serve one specific purpose. I know that i dont get her point so far. i could have used my old mobile and not getting a new one at all. yes. but no new mobile no new contract. when i ordered the contract i was thinking i just could underlive the whole system and order the package with two mobiles and donate the second one to charity. basically letting the mobile company doing something good. im a bit annoyed now. i like the new one. but i exactly know that i will use roughly 5 percents of the functions it offers me. not one single percent more. and that makes me think why i use it then at all. i dont have an answer to be honest. maybe im a bit annoyed that i can only have 70 text messages on my old mobile. but this isnt a reason. i think i will use my old mobile a bit further. im not happy. I cant even find one single decent ring tone that is not like the one below. hence i prefer just vibriation. its annoying enough to hear others' choice of ringtones (and their failed attempt to make uniformity (around 60 percent of all mobiles handsets are from that paper and tire company) individual by using a ringtone they like (and others usually dont)). All ringtones, no matter which, sound strange in my ears. noisy. polluting.
And then she said something which made me think as well. she was like 'oh, there is an organizer in it. now i can save every single appointment i have (i could hear her ironic voice). and let the phone remind me of every single event. i will be a slave of that phone. grr. i like that.' she's right. i do the same. most of my appointments are in my phone so i wont forget them. and they are making sure that i wont forget them. all have a reminder and will do a little vibration so im reminded that i have something to do. im not a slave yet but sometimes i have the feeling that my mobile tells me where to go and what to do. maybe i should get rid of this as well. Maybe the whole point of this post is that we have things we dont need but which tell us what to do and not to do. And make ourselves slaves to something. Be it mobiles. Tv. Time. Supervisors. Weekdays. Traditions. Wishes. Rationality. Capitalism.
and now the worst of all. if this got to number one in a couple of billboard charts i think, we should really start to think when the enlighnment failed.
Advisory notice: Don't watch this video if you are not entirely drunk or otherwise intoxicated, and be sure that the way to the restroom is clear and short for throwing up!!!
I already mentioned that I took out a mobile contract. There was one offer where I got one and another for free. The friend of mine (it seems to be difficult to text for her as the mobile is not from a former paper and tyre company) saw it and asked if she could have it. I had the intention to give it to charity shops as they have the best use for it anyway. If the mobile is still of use it will go to developing countries. Some charities give them to older people who will be able to make emergency calls with them.
She was excited as well as feeling bad because now she has one of those shiny, fancy, technical gadgets. She uses it tho she isnt entirely happy with it. The last time I had to choose a mobile it was very hard to find one which could just phone and had a calendar. Since then times have changed. Now I cant even dare to think that there is a phone that just do calls and has calendar. They all have at least a camera and games on it. I dont really need these. I really just need a phone with an organizer. That's all. no tv. no internet access. no thingy telling me how the weather in south east asia is. no radio. It doesnt have to look pretty either. It just has to serve one specific purpose. I know that i dont get her point so far. i could have used my old mobile and not getting a new one at all. yes. but no new mobile no new contract. when i ordered the contract i was thinking i just could underlive the whole system and order the package with two mobiles and donate the second one to charity. basically letting the mobile company doing something good. im a bit annoyed now. i like the new one. but i exactly know that i will use roughly 5 percents of the functions it offers me. not one single percent more. and that makes me think why i use it then at all. i dont have an answer to be honest. maybe im a bit annoyed that i can only have 70 text messages on my old mobile. but this isnt a reason. i think i will use my old mobile a bit further. im not happy. I cant even find one single decent ring tone that is not like the one below. hence i prefer just vibriation. its annoying enough to hear others' choice of ringtones (and their failed attempt to make uniformity (around 60 percent of all mobiles handsets are from that paper and tire company) individual by using a ringtone they like (and others usually dont)). All ringtones, no matter which, sound strange in my ears. noisy. polluting.
And then she said something which made me think as well. she was like 'oh, there is an organizer in it. now i can save every single appointment i have (i could hear her ironic voice). and let the phone remind me of every single event. i will be a slave of that phone. grr. i like that.' she's right. i do the same. most of my appointments are in my phone so i wont forget them. and they are making sure that i wont forget them. all have a reminder and will do a little vibration so im reminded that i have something to do. im not a slave yet but sometimes i have the feeling that my mobile tells me where to go and what to do. maybe i should get rid of this as well. Maybe the whole point of this post is that we have things we dont need but which tell us what to do and not to do. And make ourselves slaves to something. Be it mobiles. Tv. Time. Supervisors. Weekdays. Traditions. Wishes. Rationality. Capitalism.
and now the worst of all. if this got to number one in a couple of billboard charts i think, we should really start to think when the enlighnment failed.
Advisory notice: Don't watch this video if you are not entirely drunk or otherwise intoxicated, and be sure that the way to the restroom is clear and short for throwing up!!!
Haggis
Today, I finally completed assignment two of "Becoming British in 12 easy steps" (assignment one was to learn to get drunk by 11pm sharp). The other day I saw Haggis on sale at Tesco. I must say at this point that I know all Reduced Sale points in Tesco, Asda, Coop and various other supermarkets. I like spending less money on something what i would buy any way if the only condition is that its use-by-date is reached. E.g. i got six one litre milk packs at coop for 1.50 pound the other day. its not so bad for england. I think that we throw so many things away in our over-supply society that something has to be done. Something doesnt just turn bad because the can where it is in has fallen down. Even diary products will stay eatable for some time after their expiry date (ok, i admit, there is enough chemicals in it that it will stay good which is rather questionable in itself). anyhow. here you can read what haggis is. British Haggis or Deutsches Haggis
Others would consider Haggis as coming directly from hell. Well. No. Tho there is a lot of giblets from sheeps in it. To cut my usual long story short, here is how it looked like (after hours of heating in the oven):
hm, lecker lecker
So. Yeah. I cant wait to eat more. It was very delicious. I dont know what it tastes like. Its a mixture of black pudding (Blutwurst) and wurst soup. And it is relatively spicy. Not hot. It had some kind of pepperish taste. However, it was a very good experience and I am excited to eat it again (maybe not from Tesco this time, rather homemade in the scottish highs').
p.s. Oh, yes, The Haggis is the brownish thing on the plate, not those long, thin, yellowish things.
Others would consider Haggis as coming directly from hell. Well. No. Tho there is a lot of giblets from sheeps in it. To cut my usual long story short, here is how it looked like (after hours of heating in the oven):
hm, lecker leckerSo. Yeah. I cant wait to eat more. It was very delicious. I dont know what it tastes like. Its a mixture of black pudding (Blutwurst) and wurst soup. And it is relatively spicy. Not hot. It had some kind of pepperish taste. However, it was a very good experience and I am excited to eat it again (maybe not from Tesco this time, rather homemade in the scottish highs').
p.s. Oh, yes, The Haggis is the brownish thing on the plate, not those long, thin, yellowish things.
Sunday, 24 June 2007
Caught in the Balance
Well, then, after two or three days of boredness and laziness (I lost count) I decided that today's evening is my monday. Yes, today is offically Sunday but I decided that from 6 pm onwards it will be Monday. The reason is that I decided yesterday already that I will start working again on Monday. But then I got so bored during the day that the only possibility to avoid further boredness was to postpone Monday. Ok. Blurb. Enough of nonsense.
I started with writing some emails and doing some phonecalls. And then I did some dish washing, finally. They were still left from the dinner on Friday. I couldnt be bothered to do them earlier. And while doing it I listened to Toto, Caught in the Balance. This has two connotations or associations. Firstly, it could be argued that dish washing is something unmanly. And to have at least some manly element in it I could listen to some very manly music with electric guitars and big testicles. Thus, here is the video. It's not with band but quite nice too.
Secondly, I have a rather unorthodox method of dishwashing in comparison to other ones I've seen. For example, the Finnish method. I have one sink full of hot water (and soap) were I clean every plate, cutlery and the like together and then putting them on the side to let them dry. I usually dont wipe them dry. I just leave them there for one or two days and they will dry themselves. But, this sounds easy while it is hard science..! Because the more things I have to wash up the more things have to dry. And the space in the drying area is limited. Hence, I have to built up little towers of plates on top of cups, arranging bowles in piles, putting the cutlery into the spaces left at the end, bla bla. It looks a bit like this:
K2 or Mount Everest are nothing, really nothing, in comparison to this...
This, of course, requires careful and elaborate planning and precise execution. Only one millionth millimetre difference might cause complete failure and destruction. Given that, the only problem is to escape being caught in the balance. It is like jackstraws. I have to think which plate or knife or cup I will take away while making sure that the rest of my towers stays intact. I just cant take the plate from the bottom first, but sometimes that from the top neither as it might hold others in balance. It's a constant struggle to find a loose plate or so which I can put back into the shelves.
To give this whole hölynpöly some meaning, it could be said that my version of dish washing is like society. Everything and everyone is dependent on others and keep each other in balance. With the adjacent risk probably of being caught in that balance without a possibility to escape and be free. Additionally, when someone does something it will certainly trigger some reaction from someone else (if I pull that plate out another might fall down or a sharp knife in my feet). But I guess, I leave it there. LIBERTY TO ALL DISH WASHERS!
I started with writing some emails and doing some phonecalls. And then I did some dish washing, finally. They were still left from the dinner on Friday. I couldnt be bothered to do them earlier. And while doing it I listened to Toto, Caught in the Balance. This has two connotations or associations. Firstly, it could be argued that dish washing is something unmanly. And to have at least some manly element in it I could listen to some very manly music with electric guitars and big testicles. Thus, here is the video. It's not with band but quite nice too.
Secondly, I have a rather unorthodox method of dishwashing in comparison to other ones I've seen. For example, the Finnish method. I have one sink full of hot water (and soap) were I clean every plate, cutlery and the like together and then putting them on the side to let them dry. I usually dont wipe them dry. I just leave them there for one or two days and they will dry themselves. But, this sounds easy while it is hard science..! Because the more things I have to wash up the more things have to dry. And the space in the drying area is limited. Hence, I have to built up little towers of plates on top of cups, arranging bowles in piles, putting the cutlery into the spaces left at the end, bla bla. It looks a bit like this:
K2 or Mount Everest are nothing, really nothing, in comparison to this...This, of course, requires careful and elaborate planning and precise execution. Only one millionth millimetre difference might cause complete failure and destruction. Given that, the only problem is to escape being caught in the balance. It is like jackstraws. I have to think which plate or knife or cup I will take away while making sure that the rest of my towers stays intact. I just cant take the plate from the bottom first, but sometimes that from the top neither as it might hold others in balance. It's a constant struggle to find a loose plate or so which I can put back into the shelves.
To give this whole hölynpöly some meaning, it could be said that my version of dish washing is like society. Everything and everyone is dependent on others and keep each other in balance. With the adjacent risk probably of being caught in that balance without a possibility to escape and be free. Additionally, when someone does something it will certainly trigger some reaction from someone else (if I pull that plate out another might fall down or a sharp knife in my feet). But I guess, I leave it there. LIBERTY TO ALL DISH WASHERS!
Everywhere you go always take your blog with you
So, when you are walking like John Travolta throught the streets of your city and accidently listen to Bee Gees, make sure you have put off your thoughts about gender equality (just listen to the lyrics) and your blog with you. During the last days i have read random blogs. it is quite interesting to get into that. i guess there is nothing in the world which isnt spoken about in a blog. US-Families adopting chinese children (hm, of whom im reminded? Brangelina or whoever). Dogs. Alcoholics. People desperately in love. militant groups. wankers. Well, ok this sounds like as if there only weirds out there. To be honest, this is just a minority. Normal people present their life. Why? I think this is a very new thing that people really publicly turn the private into the public. Like i do and thats why this blog is tautological in some respect. Do we talk to few with each other and use blogs to compensate for this instead? What is really my real, grounded interest in that little anna had her first poo down in florida while Tony from middle china lost his first million in oranges? it probably approaches zero. but it gets much greater in the regard of satisfying my own sensationism.
this is one picture i found on a blog (i know there is no reference and, hence, it is somewhat illegal). Many people apparently just publish photos. Nice.
patronised poosOther than this, I tried to climb on a tree today but failed because of gravity. Newton was right with his apple. Bloating doesnt make me flying. The rest of the day was strolling around.
Saturday, 23 June 2007
Later on
I used to like that song when i was younger. it is easy going music and one could dance to it. also, michael is still michael and not some kind of artificial product. i dont even know here he now is. the song itself is quite patronising. the man will show the woman what will happen. welcome to the 21st century. but still. it is all going around my mind. stupidness is there. it is blossoming. sorry.
Jackson 5 ABC
Jackson 5 ABC
Friday, 22 June 2007
English meets Finnish meets Turkish meets German meets twice
Now when I have finished my PhD thing (or rather handed in the required things for my first year which I screwed a bit) I needed something else to do. In the last days i had lovely dinners with friends. and all rather by chance which is very nice when nothing is planned. However, both dinners were very delicious and it was nice to have the people here. Quite interesting. I have one picture for one of the dinners.
There were beans everywhere
Attentive readers might recognise three guys. Dave, Ian and Mehmed (I hope I spelled Mehmed right). So in some respect this was a reunification of the beer festival group. The skirt in the left part of the background belongs to Vuokko who does final preparations on the tortillas. We had a turkish dish with beans and mexican with beans. At the end of the night there was a bit of farting going on... Today, we had dinner again. Vuokko, Matt, Dave and me. It was very nice. This time we had salmon with new potatos, salad, dill, dill cream and icecream for dessert. We heard this one during the drinking.
The dish was very lovely. All was prepared by Vuokko alone today. Thank you very much for this. Delicious is still underrating it. One of the most delicious dishes I ever had! If every school had a chef like her, there wouldnt be any misery any more. Healthy, nutricious and not overcomplicated food. We were talking about this over dinner. We remembered school meals. I can only say that I had regular schools meals during primary school and I think that put me off for the rest of my life. I remember having meals in gymnasium. but only occasionally, when they where available later on and when i was really really really hungry (which doesnt happen so often). I guess, in school you learn for life and not just for the next exam. And many people just dont see it. and if the school meals consist of chips and burgers what are students supposed to learn? I should have raised this earlier. There was a lot of talking going on on both dinners. And basically from a to z. Everything.
But that there is one thing which bothers me now. I was more or less the host for both dinners but I kind of behaved otherwise. I wasnt talking really and rather chosed to water my plants (e.g.). Hm. On both evening I was rather antisocial in the sense of just sitting there and saying nothing. But then announcing that I will go to a party of someone else. Giving the impression that I wouldnt be bored there. Which isnt or wasnt the case. I screwed quite a lot of things in the last time (one just has to look at my birthday...) and Im thinking that I really attract it. Or do it myself. Its not a nice feeling. The mash in my mind crashes everything. Just within a second. and there is that other thing two which scares me a lot. my mood can change from one second to the other. snap. it changed. i dont want to have this. really. i should stop being personal. everything has been said and every word more makes it worse.
Heroes del silencio - Entre dos tierras
(maybe i should think about this kind of music a second, now after i saw the video. the 80s werent so great and rock music neither... especially the hair band is amazing....as far as my knowledge of spanish is concerned, which basically ends at que tal y hablo espanol, the song is a sad lovesong where the already happened bad thing cant be repaired any more. why there are more sad love songs than cheerful ones? the only one at the moment, which is coming to my mind, is barry whyte (or however he is spelled) and the association is rather making it...)
and then the other one, but where I think I will screw it completely:
This is what I have to say. No excuses possible.
There were beans everywhereAttentive readers might recognise three guys. Dave, Ian and Mehmed (I hope I spelled Mehmed right). So in some respect this was a reunification of the beer festival group. The skirt in the left part of the background belongs to Vuokko who does final preparations on the tortillas. We had a turkish dish with beans and mexican with beans. At the end of the night there was a bit of farting going on... Today, we had dinner again. Vuokko, Matt, Dave and me. It was very nice. This time we had salmon with new potatos, salad, dill, dill cream and icecream for dessert. We heard this one during the drinking.
The dish was very lovely. All was prepared by Vuokko alone today. Thank you very much for this. Delicious is still underrating it. One of the most delicious dishes I ever had! If every school had a chef like her, there wouldnt be any misery any more. Healthy, nutricious and not overcomplicated food. We were talking about this over dinner. We remembered school meals. I can only say that I had regular schools meals during primary school and I think that put me off for the rest of my life. I remember having meals in gymnasium. but only occasionally, when they where available later on and when i was really really really hungry (which doesnt happen so often). I guess, in school you learn for life and not just for the next exam. And many people just dont see it. and if the school meals consist of chips and burgers what are students supposed to learn? I should have raised this earlier. There was a lot of talking going on on both dinners. And basically from a to z. Everything.
But that there is one thing which bothers me now. I was more or less the host for both dinners but I kind of behaved otherwise. I wasnt talking really and rather chosed to water my plants (e.g.). Hm. On both evening I was rather antisocial in the sense of just sitting there and saying nothing. But then announcing that I will go to a party of someone else. Giving the impression that I wouldnt be bored there. Which isnt or wasnt the case. I screwed quite a lot of things in the last time (one just has to look at my birthday...) and Im thinking that I really attract it. Or do it myself. Its not a nice feeling. The mash in my mind crashes everything. Just within a second. and there is that other thing two which scares me a lot. my mood can change from one second to the other. snap. it changed. i dont want to have this. really. i should stop being personal. everything has been said and every word more makes it worse.
Heroes del silencio - Entre dos tierras
(maybe i should think about this kind of music a second, now after i saw the video. the 80s werent so great and rock music neither... especially the hair band is amazing....as far as my knowledge of spanish is concerned, which basically ends at que tal y hablo espanol, the song is a sad lovesong where the already happened bad thing cant be repaired any more. why there are more sad love songs than cheerful ones? the only one at the moment, which is coming to my mind, is barry whyte (or however he is spelled) and the association is rather making it...)
and then the other one, but where I think I will screw it completely:
This is what I have to say. No excuses possible.
Wednesday, 20 June 2007
Who are you?
Blurb. I had my final first year board meeting today and passed. I'm now officially a second year PhD student. I guess this must be on my business card very soon... blurb. The meeting was alright. My work was basically ripped into pieces by my chair and the supervisor. But it's not so bad. I still can use my theoretical part later on when I have done my research. It's just all too confusing. Blurb. Anyhow, the first year is done. I can't believe it. The year flew just by. In two years (theoretically) I will finish. Blurb.
The something else. For years there was a song in my mind. It went like "New Orleans, uh uh, I really wanna know, New Orleans, uh uh uh uh". A few weeks ago I saw The Who performing this song on TV. So I started a comprehensive search on the internet. But I couldn't find anything. No even lyrics or so. I asked a couple of people if they would know the title of the song. But no one did. Today I couldn't stand it any longer and sang it to a friend. And he just said it's Who are you, and not New Orleans or the like. Hm. I just heard what I wanted. Ha. Uh uh uh uh. New Orleans, who are you? I really wanna know. I like these lyrics at the end: I spit out like a sewer hole, Yet still recieve your kiss, How can I measure up to anyone now. After such a love as this?
Here you are.
Otherwise than this, I'm going to be hyperactive now. ADS. Blurb. I'm strolling around in my flat and dance and jump and sing and hum and makes noises and clap hands and eat corner joughurts and jump and sing and dance. Dummdidumm.
The something else. For years there was a song in my mind. It went like "New Orleans, uh uh, I really wanna know, New Orleans, uh uh uh uh". A few weeks ago I saw The Who performing this song on TV. So I started a comprehensive search on the internet. But I couldn't find anything. No even lyrics or so. I asked a couple of people if they would know the title of the song. But no one did. Today I couldn't stand it any longer and sang it to a friend. And he just said it's Who are you, and not New Orleans or the like. Hm. I just heard what I wanted. Ha. Uh uh uh uh. New Orleans, who are you? I really wanna know. I like these lyrics at the end: I spit out like a sewer hole, Yet still recieve your kiss, How can I measure up to anyone now. After such a love as this?
Here you are.
Otherwise than this, I'm going to be hyperactive now. ADS. Blurb. I'm strolling around in my flat and dance and jump and sing and hum and makes noises and clap hands and eat corner joughurts and jump and sing and dance. Dummdidumm.
Is it me?
Today was again a weird day. I didnt manage to get anything done really. I was just hanging around and pretended to do some work. I dont know why (tho i have a very strong suspicion. It's constant state of mind. but i'll try to figure this out myself. im very glad ONE is there). anyhow. what i did was borrowing a book from the library. this was the only thing during the day. in the evening there was examiners dinner for all those who had marked exams in the department (it's not our department coz it doesnt belong to anyone). it was very nice. but.
it was awkward. some may know why. when i was in school everybody liked me and most people saw (and still see) me as someone intelligent. i absolutely dont think so. i dont know why because i was rather quiet. what i thought. over the last months i have spoken and spent a lot of time with someone who is interested in this phenomena. these conversations made me thinking, and still do. why im quiet? why everyone seems to like me tho im quiet? why everybody seems to think im intelligent? to cut it short. she made me thinking that i might be shy. and that it is not something individual but rather social. why social. coz tho im the one who is quiet, my quietness is only a reaction to others and others will re-act to my quietness. shyness can only happen in a social context. when im at home i simply cant be shy because, for whom? there im just me. but in a social situation i can and might be shy. and only there. there it gains significance. or as my beloved luhmann would argue on the basis of the central theorem 'i will do what you want if you do what i want' (everyone who thinks i adore him and follow him blindly, think again): if i dont do what you want because i cant do what you want, on the basis that i do what you want, not because i dont want to do but im not able to do it, this whole double contingency is made redundant and therefore the nullpoint of the double contingency will never be overcome, tho i would like it to be overcome and make communication working. alright this is confusing. system theorists might find this understandable and appealing, i dont. at the moment it is rather destructive. i want something else. however, if communication cant work, because im shy in a social context, it will become awkward. speaking to a person who is quiet and only answers briefly or with something which doesnt allow really for follow up questions is very hard. if i cant get any information which would allow me to construct a further question i will sooner or later give up the conversation and do something else. and the person, who is quiet, might feel that others have no interest and gets even quieter. ok. this is what wikipedia offers: "in humans, shyness is the feeling of apprehension or lack of confidence experienced in regard to social association with others, e.g. being in proximity to, approaching and being approached by others." i will give you one example from today. i was sitting with four others, meaning that they were close enough to have a conversation with. one started to ask me questions and i replied to them. but it was rather a straight answer, no artificial blowing up so that he could construct a new question or i would have asked him something back, both would have kept the communication running. the reason why i didnt, i dont know. i think i have been thinking and talking about it beforehand and i already turned myself off, simply by believing that it cant work. however. he kept on but soon found someone else he could talk to. he introduced me to the others tho. and they were asking me things as well. or tried out their german. very nice attempts. but i went shy, i strongly believe. i was sitting there and listened to their questions and answered as much as i could. but just as i could. in my mind were thoughts like, why im sitting here? why i talk to these people? why i didnt just stay at home? and does their talking really make sense? in other words, i felt completely uncomfortable. i think it went alright in the sense that i didnt completely screwed it and didnt say anything. they all know now what im doing and got answers to their questions. but the whole evening was more or less that i forced myself to be included. i only very partially enjoyed it. then there were moments where they were talking about holidays and children. i cant add anything to this. these moments would have been best to change the table (yes, wrong table). but i simply couldnt. i felt that i couldnt leave. i had to stay and sit there. couldnt move. being trapped. this is what it felt like. being trapped. the whole point is that i often have the feeling that a certain thing puts me off, like when they started to talk about children, where i have nothing to say or think that i will only say something very stupid. and in effect i will remain quiet. and say nothing. although im listening and know what is going on. and i would have something to say. but i just simply cant. i just cant! some thing with shyness is that a very simple single incident is enough to put you off for the complete rest. it brings you out of balance and you decide to be quiet the whole time. just like snapping your fingers. its a second. and only in situations with others. never alone. only with others. today i felt excluded as they were talking about children. this put me off. i have no children, i would love to?!? what could I add? nothing. so i stay quiet. and they dont want me to talk with them anyway... they were metaphorically creating a boundary around them, through which no one could come. i know its not the case and i could have joined. but this is what it feels like. nothing else. so i cant be sure whether its them or me who creates this awkward situations. i guess its both. i could be talkative and have conversations. but others could be more attentive and try to have rather general topics. whoever it is. just finishing off with the intelligence thing: the reason why some people think im intelligent might be that im a male. im not intelligent at all. really. but non-talktaive boys tend to be associated with intelligence. dont ask me why. its just like this. quiet girls are seen rather negative. to hell with that. girls and boys are shy and there shouldnt be a distinction on the basis of gender in shyness.
those things were all brought more strongly to my mind during a night, a little time ago. it was a very nice and very interesting conversation. it made me really think. i hope i can learn. im sorry.
every spelling and grammatical mistake is yours. sorry for being very personal. it goes around my mind.
i dont want any comments on that. i dont want any texts or calls or the like (but maybe i want and this was just some form of cry for contact me; the conclusion is up to you.) sorry.
it was awkward. some may know why. when i was in school everybody liked me and most people saw (and still see) me as someone intelligent. i absolutely dont think so. i dont know why because i was rather quiet. what i thought. over the last months i have spoken and spent a lot of time with someone who is interested in this phenomena. these conversations made me thinking, and still do. why im quiet? why everyone seems to like me tho im quiet? why everybody seems to think im intelligent? to cut it short. she made me thinking that i might be shy. and that it is not something individual but rather social. why social. coz tho im the one who is quiet, my quietness is only a reaction to others and others will re-act to my quietness. shyness can only happen in a social context. when im at home i simply cant be shy because, for whom? there im just me. but in a social situation i can and might be shy. and only there. there it gains significance. or as my beloved luhmann would argue on the basis of the central theorem 'i will do what you want if you do what i want' (everyone who thinks i adore him and follow him blindly, think again): if i dont do what you want because i cant do what you want, on the basis that i do what you want, not because i dont want to do but im not able to do it, this whole double contingency is made redundant and therefore the nullpoint of the double contingency will never be overcome, tho i would like it to be overcome and make communication working. alright this is confusing. system theorists might find this understandable and appealing, i dont. at the moment it is rather destructive. i want something else. however, if communication cant work, because im shy in a social context, it will become awkward. speaking to a person who is quiet and only answers briefly or with something which doesnt allow really for follow up questions is very hard. if i cant get any information which would allow me to construct a further question i will sooner or later give up the conversation and do something else. and the person, who is quiet, might feel that others have no interest and gets even quieter. ok. this is what wikipedia offers: "in humans, shyness is the feeling of apprehension or lack of confidence experienced in regard to social association with others, e.g. being in proximity to, approaching and being approached by others." i will give you one example from today. i was sitting with four others, meaning that they were close enough to have a conversation with. one started to ask me questions and i replied to them. but it was rather a straight answer, no artificial blowing up so that he could construct a new question or i would have asked him something back, both would have kept the communication running. the reason why i didnt, i dont know. i think i have been thinking and talking about it beforehand and i already turned myself off, simply by believing that it cant work. however. he kept on but soon found someone else he could talk to. he introduced me to the others tho. and they were asking me things as well. or tried out their german. very nice attempts. but i went shy, i strongly believe. i was sitting there and listened to their questions and answered as much as i could. but just as i could. in my mind were thoughts like, why im sitting here? why i talk to these people? why i didnt just stay at home? and does their talking really make sense? in other words, i felt completely uncomfortable. i think it went alright in the sense that i didnt completely screwed it and didnt say anything. they all know now what im doing and got answers to their questions. but the whole evening was more or less that i forced myself to be included. i only very partially enjoyed it. then there were moments where they were talking about holidays and children. i cant add anything to this. these moments would have been best to change the table (yes, wrong table). but i simply couldnt. i felt that i couldnt leave. i had to stay and sit there. couldnt move. being trapped. this is what it felt like. being trapped. the whole point is that i often have the feeling that a certain thing puts me off, like when they started to talk about children, where i have nothing to say or think that i will only say something very stupid. and in effect i will remain quiet. and say nothing. although im listening and know what is going on. and i would have something to say. but i just simply cant. i just cant! some thing with shyness is that a very simple single incident is enough to put you off for the complete rest. it brings you out of balance and you decide to be quiet the whole time. just like snapping your fingers. its a second. and only in situations with others. never alone. only with others. today i felt excluded as they were talking about children. this put me off. i have no children, i would love to?!? what could I add? nothing. so i stay quiet. and they dont want me to talk with them anyway... they were metaphorically creating a boundary around them, through which no one could come. i know its not the case and i could have joined. but this is what it feels like. nothing else. so i cant be sure whether its them or me who creates this awkward situations. i guess its both. i could be talkative and have conversations. but others could be more attentive and try to have rather general topics. whoever it is. just finishing off with the intelligence thing: the reason why some people think im intelligent might be that im a male. im not intelligent at all. really. but non-talktaive boys tend to be associated with intelligence. dont ask me why. its just like this. quiet girls are seen rather negative. to hell with that. girls and boys are shy and there shouldnt be a distinction on the basis of gender in shyness.
those things were all brought more strongly to my mind during a night, a little time ago. it was a very nice and very interesting conversation. it made me really think. i hope i can learn. im sorry.
every spelling and grammatical mistake is yours. sorry for being very personal. it goes around my mind.
i dont want any comments on that. i dont want any texts or calls or the like (but maybe i want and this was just some form of cry for contact me; the conclusion is up to you.) sorry.
Tuesday, 19 June 2007
Blurb
After just few month, my internet provider finally managed to reconnect me to its service. Nice one. The days of hanging around in my nice, cosy university dungeon have come to an end. I have only to inform the guys from the security office that I'm not in any more at 8 or so, so that they won't worry about me.
Another thing: I wanted to set up a monthly mobile contract. BUT. I'm not British, have no credit register and hence I cant get any contract. I simply don't exist in this country. Maybe I should make some debts then I might get into the credit thing and I can be checked. I keep the rest of the comment for me as I'm tempted to say that it's discrimination.
Yet another thing: if there is a site where I have to enter my address I usually just have to put in the house number and the post code and the system will find the rest of my address. Theoretically. Practically, my address doesn't exist yet. It's a new development and the address isn't saved anywhere. So whenever I enter in my house number and the post code I get an error message, telling me to enter the correct house number and correct post code. I'm caught in a vicious circle of house numbers and post codes. There is often no possibility to enter my address manually (why not? Maybe I could cheat and just a enter a wrong address....hui.) At the end of the day, the easy and simple option of doing everything online is replaced by "hold the line" messages, classical music, and things like "your call maybe recorded for training purposes". And lots of wasted time.
Alright, no mourning any longer. There are definitely more serious problems in this world than mine.
Another thing: I wanted to set up a monthly mobile contract. BUT. I'm not British, have no credit register and hence I cant get any contract. I simply don't exist in this country. Maybe I should make some debts then I might get into the credit thing and I can be checked. I keep the rest of the comment for me as I'm tempted to say that it's discrimination.
Yet another thing: if there is a site where I have to enter my address I usually just have to put in the house number and the post code and the system will find the rest of my address. Theoretically. Practically, my address doesn't exist yet. It's a new development and the address isn't saved anywhere. So whenever I enter in my house number and the post code I get an error message, telling me to enter the correct house number and correct post code. I'm caught in a vicious circle of house numbers and post codes. There is often no possibility to enter my address manually (why not? Maybe I could cheat and just a enter a wrong address....hui.) At the end of the day, the easy and simple option of doing everything online is replaced by "hold the line" messages, classical music, and things like "your call maybe recorded for training purposes". And lots of wasted time.
Alright, no mourning any longer. There are definitely more serious problems in this world than mine.
Namaskara!
Today was one of those days which are a bit nonsense. After i finished my written materials i feel a bit bored (even more than i did before.) After working at 150 percent (yeah, to all of you, i know no one can work more than 100 percent... but my days have 48 hours. my concept of a day is quite different than yours. believe or not. i finally came to the point were i really really have to think what weekday is. and i got to the conclusion that it doesnt matter at all what weekday it is. and it will probably never. hopefully. i hope that i can forget the whole thing of days, weeks or month from now on (ok maybe not months or so, but at least days.) i do my work whenever i feel so. i live, regardless the name of the day. it doesnt make a difference to me whether today is monday, wednesday or sunday. i work, see friends, browse youtube, or just bore myself. i dont say that all days are the same. it's just that i dont need a name like tuesday to give my doing a meaning. why do all world have to have stop doing things on sunday, on the seventh day of the week? why not on the day formerly known as Thursday? why cant everyone take time off when they want to? the whole idea of having 7 days is quite conservative. anyhow).... i lost the point. oh, yes, after working at 150 percent over the last few months i now have to do much less. it feels like as if i was speeding on the motorway and then pulled the handbrake suddenly. according to the laws of physics a body has a certain amount of inertia. my mind probably as well. on one side, it feels empty and i dont know what to do really. on the other side, the things are still going around in my head. im still thinking about it. whether i should have used that argument or another one.
I know i have things to do. and it is not less stressful, to be honest. but its different. there is no deadline. i did and finished it when i did and finished it. it's all back to my own. no one else's control. at the moment, i feel like falling into a big hole. no motivation, no incentive, no pressure, no nothing, must me and my mind. i dont know how this will end. today it didnt make a difference to me whether i was sleeping or not. but i was there.
i found this one. it was bothering me for some time. i watched inside man months ago and this song was in it. a bit like a song to get hooked. today i had the time and boredness to look it up from youtube. i think its nice.
I know i have things to do. and it is not less stressful, to be honest. but its different. there is no deadline. i did and finished it when i did and finished it. it's all back to my own. no one else's control. at the moment, i feel like falling into a big hole. no motivation, no incentive, no pressure, no nothing, must me and my mind. i dont know how this will end. today it didnt make a difference to me whether i was sleeping or not. but i was there.
i found this one. it was bothering me for some time. i watched inside man months ago and this song was in it. a bit like a song to get hooked. today i had the time and boredness to look it up from youtube. i think its nice.
Sunday, 17 June 2007
I know that I'm not a do-gooder because I bring my thoughts on paper
During the last two months I have been writing on my PhD (besides two moves, a journey to germany, translating an article, and some other energy-taking things). I got a bit stressed out which is a bit uncommon for me. This took over my mind and I became a bit not so nice company. But I still have friends (at least, as far as I think).
For the 1st year some kind of literature review is required basically showing that i know what im talking about. i handed the written things in last Thursday, in a complete state of 'mashiness.' my mind feels like mash, no clear thought is possible any more and when im talking its more or less messy and complete nonsense. the mash has no taste, not even like the lovely rose and crown mashed potato taste. tho the mashy feeling in my mind might have the taste of diet coke as this was what i have been drinking a lot every day. anyhow, now when i finished the things i thought i could tell a bit about my topic, and of course, to get some mash out of my head...
The title of my phd is 'Corporations and Employee Welfare'. My aim is to analyse and describe activities and provisions companies do for their employees besides the normal payment of a salary or the like. so everything like pensions, health care, kindergartens, vocational training, flexible working arrangements, or telling their employees what is going on in the company. Of course im not writing there in a vacuum. corporate welfare is situated in the broader context of welfare as such which includes governmental welfare. thus the second aim of my phd is the discuss whether corporate welfare might be an alternative option or complement to governmental welfare. the issue is that welfare states are somewhat outdated through their origins. the foundations they were built on are more or less not valid any more. furthermore, they are in a transformation process towards more neoliberal practices. it remains questionable whether this is the appropriate or only way. however it is, corporate welfare can be at least an addition and lighten states' burden.
theoretically i will use luhmann's theory of social systems which is classified as functional structuralism, as i have been told in my very first lecture in 2001 (long time ago...). structures serve one purpose, that of functionality of systems. i use him because it will allow me to see corporate welfare as a unique development, independent from states (tho still dependent enough at the same time), in every country and company itself. i also can discuss then the relationships between state, economy and society (society in the sense of citizens and employees; ive to be careful there. hardcore luhmannists could take my use of society wrong here). the theory is quite hard to get into as luhmann had a weird characteristic and used lots of unknown words or concepts. this probably explains why my mind is so mashy. i also have to make sure that i use the correct language. e.g. environments can irritate systems but they cannot influence or direct them in the plain sense. who shall understand this..??!!?? or this one: i will do what you want if you do what i want. apart from the conditioning and tautology there is a point of nothingness, or how i would say, null-point, because if both just wait for the other to do something nothing will happen. so. but all this mashiness might be more because of me putting myself under pressure and demanding a lot from myself. apart from systems theory i will use some other sociological theories and some economic theories as well. The nicest of economic theories are Nash’s equilibrium and comparative advantages. The first is highly mathematical and I don’t have any clue. But maybe later. The other is quite interesting once I got the logic. What I have finished so far is the introduction to Luhmann and a discussion of the economic subsystem. The whole, I tried to differentiate from structuration theory and Habermas as these are sociological theories which could have been used. I don’t think they have a similar explanation power for my purpose; only a few bits are useful, namely imagination from structuration and colonization from Habermas. These are just rough ideas so far but I hope I can develop this a bit more later on. Finally I got into a discussion whether neoliberalism and capitalism can be regarded as components of a reflexive modernity and thus as risk producing. They basically have the tendency to destroy themselves under certain conditions. The market is not as expandable as it seems. At some point everyone will have a car and a fridge and nothing can be sold any more. And especially with cars, if the company doesn’t see the change in environmental policies and, most of all, attitudes it will inevitably be lost. Why else experience native US American carmakers such loses? 20 liters per hundred kilometers are not en vogue any more.
It sounds a bit Marxian but I wouldn’t say so. I instead argue that companies are pretty aware of this now and pay attention. I almost would say that capitalism is not so bad at all. There are some features which are good. And very pragmatic, it’s the only system which has survived until now. BUT. I’m a child of socialist system with all its advantages and disadvantages. The other day I spent some thoughts on this and I can conclude that capitalists are just catching up now in some respect. In the former GDR (I don’t know about other countries) companies did a lot of care for their employees. Kindergartens are only one example. Or health care. There were already provisions in place which ensured the wellbeing of employees. BUT (again; that’s the nice thing about sociology, there is always a But). The conditions under which these activities took place were not so nice. There was no freedom of choice or any other freedom. The whole welfare provisions basically served one aim, that of control. The children you pamper today are your followers tomorrow. (or something like that) free will wasn’t on the list of the state leaders. Rather blind stupid sheep. I don’t know if I will discuss similarities of capitalist and socialist corporate welfare. Maybe I do. Might be worthwile.
This Tuesday I will have a board meeting with my supervisor and another person where we will discuss my written material. There it will be decided whether I can proceed to my second year or not. It probably will last about 2 hours (I can talk so long….). When this is done I’m done as well. Then I will just read a few more books before going back to germany and starting this research job in network analysis.
I haven’t started my fieldwork yet. My plan is to have one company each in UK, Germany and one Nordic country. I will interview managers and employees and hopefully can conduct a survey amongst employees as well. This will definitely last for the next year. If everything goes well I will be able to do a pilot study during the summer in germany, just to test my things. Altogether I will back up by a secondary analysis of Eurobarometer datasets (the nice ones, with all EU countries and 250,000 respondents; the datasets my students are afraid of…). What will be the outcome of my PhD? It is very likely that I come to the conclusion that every company can and should do one or another form of welfare. For all kinds of companies measures and activities are available. Companies can spend money or get for free. It seems as if non-monetary measures like being nice to employees and allowing them flexible working patters have the greatest positive effect on their wellbeing. If this is really so all the talking about the costs of welfare and the like is just bolox. Just excuses.
I would like to thank all who have been around, talked to me on the squares, got drunk with me, kept me busy, wrote to me (tho I never replied), laughed with me, cried with me, to cut a long story short: I thank everybody.
For the 1st year some kind of literature review is required basically showing that i know what im talking about. i handed the written things in last Thursday, in a complete state of 'mashiness.' my mind feels like mash, no clear thought is possible any more and when im talking its more or less messy and complete nonsense. the mash has no taste, not even like the lovely rose and crown mashed potato taste. tho the mashy feeling in my mind might have the taste of diet coke as this was what i have been drinking a lot every day. anyhow, now when i finished the things i thought i could tell a bit about my topic, and of course, to get some mash out of my head...
The title of my phd is 'Corporations and Employee Welfare'. My aim is to analyse and describe activities and provisions companies do for their employees besides the normal payment of a salary or the like. so everything like pensions, health care, kindergartens, vocational training, flexible working arrangements, or telling their employees what is going on in the company. Of course im not writing there in a vacuum. corporate welfare is situated in the broader context of welfare as such which includes governmental welfare. thus the second aim of my phd is the discuss whether corporate welfare might be an alternative option or complement to governmental welfare. the issue is that welfare states are somewhat outdated through their origins. the foundations they were built on are more or less not valid any more. furthermore, they are in a transformation process towards more neoliberal practices. it remains questionable whether this is the appropriate or only way. however it is, corporate welfare can be at least an addition and lighten states' burden.
theoretically i will use luhmann's theory of social systems which is classified as functional structuralism, as i have been told in my very first lecture in 2001 (long time ago...). structures serve one purpose, that of functionality of systems. i use him because it will allow me to see corporate welfare as a unique development, independent from states (tho still dependent enough at the same time), in every country and company itself. i also can discuss then the relationships between state, economy and society (society in the sense of citizens and employees; ive to be careful there. hardcore luhmannists could take my use of society wrong here). the theory is quite hard to get into as luhmann had a weird characteristic and used lots of unknown words or concepts. this probably explains why my mind is so mashy. i also have to make sure that i use the correct language. e.g. environments can irritate systems but they cannot influence or direct them in the plain sense. who shall understand this..??!!?? or this one: i will do what you want if you do what i want. apart from the conditioning and tautology there is a point of nothingness, or how i would say, null-point, because if both just wait for the other to do something nothing will happen. so. but all this mashiness might be more because of me putting myself under pressure and demanding a lot from myself. apart from systems theory i will use some other sociological theories and some economic theories as well. The nicest of economic theories are Nash’s equilibrium and comparative advantages. The first is highly mathematical and I don’t have any clue. But maybe later. The other is quite interesting once I got the logic. What I have finished so far is the introduction to Luhmann and a discussion of the economic subsystem. The whole, I tried to differentiate from structuration theory and Habermas as these are sociological theories which could have been used. I don’t think they have a similar explanation power for my purpose; only a few bits are useful, namely imagination from structuration and colonization from Habermas. These are just rough ideas so far but I hope I can develop this a bit more later on. Finally I got into a discussion whether neoliberalism and capitalism can be regarded as components of a reflexive modernity and thus as risk producing. They basically have the tendency to destroy themselves under certain conditions. The market is not as expandable as it seems. At some point everyone will have a car and a fridge and nothing can be sold any more. And especially with cars, if the company doesn’t see the change in environmental policies and, most of all, attitudes it will inevitably be lost. Why else experience native US American carmakers such loses? 20 liters per hundred kilometers are not en vogue any more.
It sounds a bit Marxian but I wouldn’t say so. I instead argue that companies are pretty aware of this now and pay attention. I almost would say that capitalism is not so bad at all. There are some features which are good. And very pragmatic, it’s the only system which has survived until now. BUT. I’m a child of socialist system with all its advantages and disadvantages. The other day I spent some thoughts on this and I can conclude that capitalists are just catching up now in some respect. In the former GDR (I don’t know about other countries) companies did a lot of care for their employees. Kindergartens are only one example. Or health care. There were already provisions in place which ensured the wellbeing of employees. BUT (again; that’s the nice thing about sociology, there is always a But). The conditions under which these activities took place were not so nice. There was no freedom of choice or any other freedom. The whole welfare provisions basically served one aim, that of control. The children you pamper today are your followers tomorrow. (or something like that) free will wasn’t on the list of the state leaders. Rather blind stupid sheep. I don’t know if I will discuss similarities of capitalist and socialist corporate welfare. Maybe I do. Might be worthwile.
This Tuesday I will have a board meeting with my supervisor and another person where we will discuss my written material. There it will be decided whether I can proceed to my second year or not. It probably will last about 2 hours (I can talk so long….). When this is done I’m done as well. Then I will just read a few more books before going back to germany and starting this research job in network analysis.
I haven’t started my fieldwork yet. My plan is to have one company each in UK, Germany and one Nordic country. I will interview managers and employees and hopefully can conduct a survey amongst employees as well. This will definitely last for the next year. If everything goes well I will be able to do a pilot study during the summer in germany, just to test my things. Altogether I will back up by a secondary analysis of Eurobarometer datasets (the nice ones, with all EU countries and 250,000 respondents; the datasets my students are afraid of…). What will be the outcome of my PhD? It is very likely that I come to the conclusion that every company can and should do one or another form of welfare. For all kinds of companies measures and activities are available. Companies can spend money or get for free. It seems as if non-monetary measures like being nice to employees and allowing them flexible working patters have the greatest positive effect on their wellbeing. If this is really so all the talking about the costs of welfare and the like is just bolox. Just excuses.
I would like to thank all who have been around, talked to me on the squares, got drunk with me, kept me busy, wrote to me (tho I never replied), laughed with me, cried with me, to cut a long story short: I thank everybody.
Wednesday, 13 June 2007
Monday, 11 June 2007
Turn swords into ploughshares!
Today came great news: the US spent about 450.000.000.000 Dollar (hard US-American dollars, not that bloody unreliable Euro...) for arms, tanks, munition, and whatever you need to have a decent war. Isnt that nice?!?!? Just lets assume every human being on earth would get 2 billion each and hence no poverty any more there would be still enough for George to rub his testicles on nuclear missiles while lying on his new USS Bush Freedom Aircraft Carrier and watching his Star Wars Program with Russia at its centre. Owhee. Daddy can be proud of you.
What a start...
After some sneezing in the morning and swollen eyes (hm, this hay fever is quite good this year...) i entered again some promotion codes from these diet cokes. And 7 out of 7 won. What a start into a day..?!?! Oh, and the reason why i have no internet is that my line doesnt support the broadband package i have/had. Now i get another one and the date for setting it up is next monday. Ah, Oh, Hui, I'm excited.
Friday, 8 June 2007
Quote of the day
A good act a day keeps sorrow and sadness away. That's it for today. Nothing new, except that i earned a bottle of red wine and kind of managed to figure out the difference between morphogenesis and autopoiesis.
Regarding the last post which was in german. sorry to all english speaking readers but this one had to be done. i would have posted in english but the article to which i refer is in german so there wouldnt be any use. anyhow it is. paris hilton isnt really worth a single word except an obituary. but even this would too much. in that respect, hail to the us-american legal system which treats everyone fair and equal. why not. why do i talk about here then so much?!?
na dann, lassen wir es mal sein und gehen nach hause. heute abend wird essen gemacht und dann bis in die puppen getrunken. nein, keine sorge, werden wir nicht machen. nur ein wenig das jahresende feiern. immerhin habe ich im letzten jahr viel weisheit unter meine studenten gebracht und viel muehe und energie in ihr studium gesteckt. nun feiere ich, dass ich das alles ueberlebt habe und sich keiner beschwert hat bei mir. ich werde naechstes jahr wahrscheinlich wieder dieselben kurse unterrichten und mein versuch, die weltherrschaft an mich zu reissen, fortsetzen.
Regarding the last post which was in german. sorry to all english speaking readers but this one had to be done. i would have posted in english but the article to which i refer is in german so there wouldnt be any use. anyhow it is. paris hilton isnt really worth a single word except an obituary. but even this would too much. in that respect, hail to the us-american legal system which treats everyone fair and equal. why not. why do i talk about here then so much?!?
na dann, lassen wir es mal sein und gehen nach hause. heute abend wird essen gemacht und dann bis in die puppen getrunken. nein, keine sorge, werden wir nicht machen. nur ein wenig das jahresende feiern. immerhin habe ich im letzten jahr viel weisheit unter meine studenten gebracht und viel muehe und energie in ihr studium gesteckt. nun feiere ich, dass ich das alles ueberlebt habe und sich keiner beschwert hat bei mir. ich werde naechstes jahr wahrscheinlich wieder dieselben kurse unterrichten und mein versuch, die weltherrschaft an mich zu reissen, fortsetzen.
Paris, cause for war
Ich habe gerade ein wenig die Nachrichten gelesen und bin in den gelben Seiten haengengeblieben. Aus der Mythologie kennen wir ja schon Paris, der Helena heiratete und damit den Trojanischen Krieg heraufbeschwoerte (er hat aber den Achilles in seine Ferse geschossen, kennt man ja). Offenbar gibt es noch einen anderen Krieg. Paris "ist nur ein besseres Bed & Breakfast" Hilton wird wunderbar als postmodernes Wesen beschrieben, welches nichts als nichts verkoerpert und deswegen auch nicht existiert. Getreu dem Motto: Der Tod von Baudrillard und der Golfkrieg haben niemals stattgefunden. Hier ist der Artikel:
The life of Paris "A Prison is not a" Hilton did not happen
Ich will auch 'ne Fussfessel, ich hab' da schon jemanden im Visier, der sie tragen koennte.
The life of Paris "A Prison is not a" Hilton did not happen
Ich will auch 'ne Fussfessel, ich hab' da schon jemanden im Visier, der sie tragen koennte.
Thursday, 7 June 2007
Encore une fois...
Yesterday i was very well bored and so i remembered a song that i was asked to play long time ago (if i had known it then). It's Les Champs-Elysees by Joe Dassin (He is french but whereby Joe somehow connotes that he was supposed to conquer the english speaking world, whatsoever)
The whole thing took place '99 or so. my brother had student exchange with frenchs. on the last day they had a farewell party at his school and we were supposed to play (what we did). after the concert one of our gitarrists got a bit hussy because of those many french girls and tried to play more songs. so he came up with the fabulous idea of playing champs-elysees. and another french song, but i cant remember that one. i think it's a nice song and worthwile to listen to. i would love to hear more french music here and there. the only french musician i can readily remember is louis bertignac (which pops up associativity with a friend of my brother but the memory is dark). classic rock music. well.
i also found this one by dassin. Once upon a time there were the two of us, il efait une fois nous deux
and to let it not being so good that post here some refreshing 80s music. but i must admit i feel sick when i hear it.
The whole thing took place '99 or so. my brother had student exchange with frenchs. on the last day they had a farewell party at his school and we were supposed to play (what we did). after the concert one of our gitarrists got a bit hussy because of those many french girls and tried to play more songs. so he came up with the fabulous idea of playing champs-elysees. and another french song, but i cant remember that one. i think it's a nice song and worthwile to listen to. i would love to hear more french music here and there. the only french musician i can readily remember is louis bertignac (which pops up associativity with a friend of my brother but the memory is dark). classic rock music. well.
i also found this one by dassin. Once upon a time there were the two of us, il efait une fois nous deux
and to let it not being so good that post here some refreshing 80s music. but i must admit i feel sick when i hear it.
Just before Dave Matthews Band
I just had a chat with a friend. We talked about music and I was told (again) that Dave Matthews Band is just another version of Jon Bon Jovi. Well. It's a free country. Anyhow, before we talked about music we kind of had the usual small talk about what we did so far during the day. He was reading The polish peasant in Europe and America. My story was, I finished my very exciting reading of 1960s social systems theory and, to keep the small talk running, mentioned that i was also reading Becker's Boys in White which is about initiation processes of students into the medical profession. as usual i kept on talking and talking and said that i will use the book to argue that corporate welfare could be regarded as some form of educational tool to make employees employees, meaning employees will adjust and be initiated to the corporate identity and behaviour through experiencing welfare provisions (i just wanted to say something...). i wasnt thinking of that when i borrowed the book from the library. i just wanted to have something to read, which is not related to corporate welfare in any respect, for my extensive baths. now it looks like this didnt work out... (shall i get another book then..??)
i know the argument is a bit far-fetched, made up, and not quite 'round', yet. but i think it could work. i will try at least. im amazed what a chat can bring. thanks for the chat!
i know the argument is a bit far-fetched, made up, and not quite 'round', yet. but i think it could work. i will try at least. im amazed what a chat can bring. thanks for the chat!
Wednesday, 6 June 2007
And the winner is...
Some of you know that i drink a lot of diet coke. the reason is that i cant drink coffee after 11 sharp in the morning; otherwise i would risk a complete sleepless night (no joke, i scientifically figured that out in countless self-experiments). quite recently they started promotion activities to make me even more drink diet coke. the first was to win a trip worth 10,000 pounds. now you can win an ipod every hour and songs from i-tunes every minute. what shall i say, i entered in my promotion codes (im really really really really bored at the moment and use every occasion to distract myself) and i won. the first time ever that i win something. i won 9 songs. and only had to buy a coca cola factory. hah.
sorry, have to leave now and get more diet coke...
sorry, have to leave now and get more diet coke...
One more One Second
I had a closer listening on paradise lost over the last couple of days. i think one second is the best album they ever made. ther very old stuff is just horrible and not even i can be forced to listen it. the new things arent so bad but, well, not necessarily.
However, here is another one from one second. say just words. " 'Cause you presume the winner is you, but that's not true, so say just words to me" The harder you try the harder you lose. or? could this mean just flowing around instead and not trying at all so i wont lose? i dont know (and this isnt probably worthwile to think about anyway).
However, here is another one from one second. say just words. " 'Cause you presume the winner is you, but that's not true, so say just words to me" The harder you try the harder you lose. or? could this mean just flowing around instead and not trying at all so i wont lose? i dont know (and this isnt probably worthwile to think about anyway).
Tuesday, 5 June 2007
Office Closed (probably)
Yesterday was one of those days were it would have been better not to wake up at all. It all began in the morning with a swollen nose, swollen eyes, swollen throat, and some very weird feeling in my stomach. You, who are allergic, know the first three things. It’s happy hay fever time. Yeah. The last thing was something that requires lots of rest sessions in certain rooms. So, my morning consisted of a very unusual heavy allergic reaction while trying to calm my stomach down. None of both was really successful. I rinsed my nose with water but still. Even intense washing wasn’t of help. I got to uni quite late because of that. I managed to do some work but my head felt like bursting so it was rather simple work. I was a bit nasty here and there as well. And as soon as I got out my nose began to run. It was getting better half way through the day. It only started again in the afternoon. Again, everything begun to run (I mean it). My eyes became swollen as well. I left uni around 5ish and wanted to walk. Unfortunately I missed the people I wanted to walk with (and I was rather undecided, I must admit). But maybe it was better because so I hadn’t to breath in more pollen (I had to look up this word, I hope it’s the right one). Nonetheless, back home, nice allergic reaction. Above all, I wanted to go to bed and get some sleep. If my heart wouldn’t have beaten like a sprinter runs. The whole situation was kind of ‘i’ve two options: either I faint now or in a second’. My circulation was riding the rollercoaster. Yeah. Wanna ride again. It was probably the whole day which put my body under pressure. And there is still the work pressure as well. I felt like this already during the day and at some points I had to sit down for some minutes. So I was walking in my flat like a tiger in the cage and tried to calm down while (again while, apparently multitasking yesterday) sneezing constantly and seeing it all going off through aching eyes. Now and then I had to sit down and put my legs up. Around 8 I thought, instead of buying yet another drug and have some sleeping pills and intoxicate my body, I will go for a bicycle ride. I know it’s a bad idea with hay fever. It was. But still. I have to make trade offs there. Either being tired and able to sleep and have a swollen nose, or having a not so swollen nose and eyes but therefore being fully awake. The ride was really nice. I cycled to castle park, to lexden, to stanway, to layer la haye (or however this is spelled), towards mersea, then towards fringinhoe, rowhedge and back home. I got in at half 9 or so. And the first thing I did, was, have a guess. Yes. Sneezing. Just for some minutes. I was tired at that point so I had a very long bath to calm the rest of my circulation down. And of course, above all, wash my hair until no single pollen is hidden somewhere anymore.
When I got out of the bath I went to bed. And there it was again. I was awake. No thought of sleep. And a bit of tickling in my nose. So, here I am now. It’s bloody late in the night. And I start sneezing again. I have bloody headache. Sorry for this health update. But quite obviously I get some posts done. My head and mind can’t go for study at the moment.
For the above reasons I decided to be only sporadically in uni today (I still have no internet). Maybe I will go today to see Das Leben der Anderen or The Life of Others as it is called here. One of the best German films certainly. And a good occasion to show something else. It just hard to find a time and reasonable place near by to go to. But it all depends how my day will sneeze. Or I just go to the coast. Some fresh sea breeze should help for all things. Even for being less aggressive and having clearer thoughts.
When this is posted I will already have had some nice sneezing. Maybe I will take an allergy pill today if I’m brave enough and want drowsiness and the like (and as long as there are other things I don’t want to take the risk). To bring it really to one sentence: I’m pretty ill and can’t get any useful substantial work done. Sorry Schorschi. And sorry for the heavy mourning. But as long as I can joke about such a day everything is fine I guess. How does the saying go? People who talk about death don’t die; or so. Will see.
When I got out of the bath I went to bed. And there it was again. I was awake. No thought of sleep. And a bit of tickling in my nose. So, here I am now. It’s bloody late in the night. And I start sneezing again. I have bloody headache. Sorry for this health update. But quite obviously I get some posts done. My head and mind can’t go for study at the moment.
For the above reasons I decided to be only sporadically in uni today (I still have no internet). Maybe I will go today to see Das Leben der Anderen or The Life of Others as it is called here. One of the best German films certainly. And a good occasion to show something else. It just hard to find a time and reasonable place near by to go to. But it all depends how my day will sneeze. Or I just go to the coast. Some fresh sea breeze should help for all things. Even for being less aggressive and having clearer thoughts.
When this is posted I will already have had some nice sneezing. Maybe I will take an allergy pill today if I’m brave enough and want drowsiness and the like (and as long as there are other things I don’t want to take the risk). To bring it really to one sentence: I’m pretty ill and can’t get any useful substantial work done. Sorry Schorschi. And sorry for the heavy mourning. But as long as I can joke about such a day everything is fine I guess. How does the saying go? People who talk about death don’t die; or so. Will see.
When I browse through my blog there seems to be quite a lot of music in it. So why not another post on music..? Sorry for boring you. I know I talk too much. But apparently I have two main things in my blog: it’s personal on one side and about music on the other. But this will come later, when I have my 100th post or so. At the moment you have to live with it. Or read the next post.
When I was a bit younger we used to drive around. Well, one of us did. And it’s not very ecological. Nothing really to be proud of. Hm, ok. So we listened to music. Often something with electric guitars. Farmer boys, Metallica and that kind of things. I remember quite strongly Paradise Lost. But only one lp. One Second. Relatively quiet. And melancholic. And sad. Well, it’s paradise lost. This is one song from the album.
So, we drove around and heard such songs. I don’t know really. In retrospective it seems more than ridiculous. Hey, look at us, we have a car, we hear manly music, we drive a bit too fast, and are bad. Well not at all. Nothing of that. We could have spent our time probably more useful. Definitely. I really have to laugh now when thinking of it. I guess we thought the world belongs to us for some moments. Maybe it did, but it’s rather unlikely…
While being bored last week I browsed youtube. There is probably nothing which isn’t there. I was quite surprise dwhen I found a video from a band of a friend of mine (it’s the same one we drove around with). It’s called Ladehemmung, or just LHG. Have a look at it. It’s German punk music so don’t be too bored.
I used to go a couple of times a year to their concerts when I was living in germany. It was always fun. More or less. These gigs were in youth clubs, in little village no one ever heard of, or just wherever. And there were always some tensions and guys who overdone it. I remember one gig where someone came into the room where the concert was and just said, there are Nazis at McDonalds. Within a minute about 5 cars full of punks drove to mcdonalds, while others run to it. When we got there there was one nazi. And nobody was brave enough. The whole thing was just ridiculous as well. Most people just got a burger and went back to the concert. There was much fuss about nothing really.
When I was a bit younger we used to drive around. Well, one of us did. And it’s not very ecological. Nothing really to be proud of. Hm, ok. So we listened to music. Often something with electric guitars. Farmer boys, Metallica and that kind of things. I remember quite strongly Paradise Lost. But only one lp. One Second. Relatively quiet. And melancholic. And sad. Well, it’s paradise lost. This is one song from the album.
So, we drove around and heard such songs. I don’t know really. In retrospective it seems more than ridiculous. Hey, look at us, we have a car, we hear manly music, we drive a bit too fast, and are bad. Well not at all. Nothing of that. We could have spent our time probably more useful. Definitely. I really have to laugh now when thinking of it. I guess we thought the world belongs to us for some moments. Maybe it did, but it’s rather unlikely…
While being bored last week I browsed youtube. There is probably nothing which isn’t there. I was quite surprise dwhen I found a video from a band of a friend of mine (it’s the same one we drove around with). It’s called Ladehemmung, or just LHG. Have a look at it. It’s German punk music so don’t be too bored.
I used to go a couple of times a year to their concerts when I was living in germany. It was always fun. More or less. These gigs were in youth clubs, in little village no one ever heard of, or just wherever. And there were always some tensions and guys who overdone it. I remember one gig where someone came into the room where the concert was and just said, there are Nazis at McDonalds. Within a minute about 5 cars full of punks drove to mcdonalds, while others run to it. When we got there there was one nazi. And nobody was brave enough. The whole thing was just ridiculous as well. Most people just got a burger and went back to the concert. There was much fuss about nothing really.
Wishes
Okay, I was just thinking that I should try something new. I know it’s boring to read this, especially when it comes to music. So, I decided you can have a wish for a topic you want to read here and I will see what I can do. You can do an anonymous comment on this.
Aber fuer die Kenner unter uns: Wuenschen kann man sich alles…
Aber fuer die Kenner unter uns: Wuenschen kann man sich alles…
Monday, 4 June 2007
Buying nonsense
Today i claimed money from the research grant i get every year as long as im doing my phd. it's quite some money. i can use it literally for everything i want as long as i can justify the expenses. i can buy a car (as a gift to one my informants), a laptop so that i can write my field notes and my bloody phd, and books, and pay conference fees, and so on and so on. the thing is there is a deadline by when all claims for a year have to be made. that one was today. and i had money left. so what i did over the last few days was basically to think about how i could spend the money and i wouldnt lose it. hm, wouldnt be so bad if i had something useful i could spend it on. what i did was to buy even more books that take space away and can catch dust. the thing is really that i just spent money to get rid of it. there isnt any chance to save it and spend it next year or so. this is the whole problem with these kinds of budgets. they are spent sometimes without any need. i dont want to know how much money is spent every in the way i did it. just for the purpose of spending it and not to lose anything. i have one advantage tho that my grant wont be reduced next financial year for the amount i didnt spend in the preceeding year. this sometimes happens to other budgets. it's a shame and not very economical. or efficient. there should be some possibility of saving money and carrying over to the next year. but who does listen to me? if i had something to say here everything would be different.... but luckily i havent. good.
Live and Let Die (more or less)
I went to the local beer festival the other day which was held in the arts centre leerstand nutzen. The name arts centre is a bit misleading because actually it's an old church. it describes itself as a building that "has been erected as a church, was used as a church, abandoned as a church, used as a cultural centre within a church, and when this isnt any more it will be ruins of a church." (Something like this were written on a board, but i cant remember the exact wording..beer festival) anyhow, the festival was quite fun and i managed to taste a couple of real ales. here is a picture (by courtesy of dave)
4 different ales, two continents, one aim of research
This was shortly before we started a discussion of social constructivism and biological determinism (with some comments on neurological issues by some other guy). The one on the left is Ian who seemingly loves the word cunt. at least it comes up in every other sentence and i cant remember any time where it wasnt used.
but i wasnt drinking all the time. i did some 'research' as well. i had a look on the gravestones inside the former church. there were two different kinds. one half was from the early 19th century and the other was from the late 19th century. one thing was very interesting: on the early ones, people died at the age of 30ish. on the late ones, at the age of 60 plus. health increased apparently a lot during this time. its only a couple of years but life expectation doubled. maybe its really because of fish and chips. i mean, there are thousand of books on the impacts of the industrialisation on people's lives. but with these gravestones i could actually see how it looks like. they are 'talking' mute witnesses of a time period. i saw the same thing somewhere else. it were park benches that could be donated and there were plates on it like 'in memory of my beloved friend Jim 'The Eagle', 1954-1999' or whatever. the people to whom the benches were donated died in the age between 50 and 60. and in the late 20th century. it was a bit confusing as the benches were in canada and one could assume that life expectancy in 20th century canada is around 80ish. so why did people die so relatively young then? there wasnt any clue on the plates. but something must going on there, these deaths cant really be natural.
there are many other examples for such witnesses, i guess. graveyards in general are like story tellers. but also other sites. just look around.
4 different ales, two continents, one aim of researchThis was shortly before we started a discussion of social constructivism and biological determinism (with some comments on neurological issues by some other guy). The one on the left is Ian who seemingly loves the word cunt. at least it comes up in every other sentence and i cant remember any time where it wasnt used.
but i wasnt drinking all the time. i did some 'research' as well. i had a look on the gravestones inside the former church. there were two different kinds. one half was from the early 19th century and the other was from the late 19th century. one thing was very interesting: on the early ones, people died at the age of 30ish. on the late ones, at the age of 60 plus. health increased apparently a lot during this time. its only a couple of years but life expectation doubled. maybe its really because of fish and chips. i mean, there are thousand of books on the impacts of the industrialisation on people's lives. but with these gravestones i could actually see how it looks like. they are 'talking' mute witnesses of a time period. i saw the same thing somewhere else. it were park benches that could be donated and there were plates on it like 'in memory of my beloved friend Jim 'The Eagle', 1954-1999' or whatever. the people to whom the benches were donated died in the age between 50 and 60. and in the late 20th century. it was a bit confusing as the benches were in canada and one could assume that life expectancy in 20th century canada is around 80ish. so why did people die so relatively young then? there wasnt any clue on the plates. but something must going on there, these deaths cant really be natural.
there are many other examples for such witnesses, i guess. graveyards in general are like story tellers. but also other sites. just look around.
Saturday, 2 June 2007
With no little help from your friends...
i got a bit annoyed recently: i asked my fellow phd students if we should set up some kind of mailing list or newsgroup where we could exchange papers and parts we have written and others could comment on it. the point behind is that one can get easily lost while writing and doesnt quite know anymore whether the argument is clear enough or really an argument. i think its really helpful to get comments by people from the same subject. also sometimes its more than advantageous to have another perspective and get some new input. however, i got around 3 answers (out of 10 possible or so). one was 'yes, i like the idea as well...', one was just 'yeah.', and the third was 'yeah, yeah... but picnic is closer to my pitch'. so the end of story was that nobody really replied to my question. and i cant be bothered to set up the whole thing and keep it running with just my own effort. i have other things to do. and it is annoying if there is an idea and nobody really even cares to reply to say no, i dont want.
then the other thing is that there were great plans by others to have bbq. they were talking about it for almost a week. and sent out invitation. the end of this story was that i ended up with one person for the drink and the others didnt even turned up to cancel the come-together. and he was just there because he had to wait for someone. quite a waste of time, waiting for others who invite and dont come in the end. and yeah, the bbq never happened. shame. not even the idea came up again. and i screwed my own birthday.
the thing is that it is sometimes quite annoying if you ask people something and they dont even care to reply and say no. doesnt take long and would be easy. hm, i think i went upset now. sorry. it didnt just happened for the first time. its a continuing pattern. today again.
then the other thing is that there were great plans by others to have bbq. they were talking about it for almost a week. and sent out invitation. the end of this story was that i ended up with one person for the drink and the others didnt even turned up to cancel the come-together. and he was just there because he had to wait for someone. quite a waste of time, waiting for others who invite and dont come in the end. and yeah, the bbq never happened. shame. not even the idea came up again. and i screwed my own birthday.
the thing is that it is sometimes quite annoying if you ask people something and they dont even care to reply and say no. doesnt take long and would be easy. hm, i think i went upset now. sorry. it didnt just happened for the first time. its a continuing pattern. today again.
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