The early academic catches the conference…

Two days ago, we had our annual PhD conference in the department. After a little reluctance of people to present and the usual proposed streams I was fed up and I volunteered to organise the paper sessions, along with the professor. Long story short, we had 16 very interesting paper session and 2 equally interesting, and challenging, plenary sessions. The topics went from Philosophy to the financial crisis, from Britain to Sri Lanka, from chocolate to quantitative facts… The discussions were good and pushed a few papers beyond the first line. The whole day was partially sunny outside so that the final session, “Sociologists in the “Public Field”” could take place, meaning we had a splendid BBQ at the lake. Calming down, discussing the day, and plain socialising. Overall, I’m in debt to the presenters and all people who came! (even tho, I bribed some of them with cakes and harassed them on end…)

Front Page Conference Flyer

The motto of the conference was “How is society possible?” Asked by Simmel in 1908 and attempted to answer. One said to me that I have to start my opening speech for the conference with a joke as Americans do and I try to do it here now (the opening was ultimately done by the Co-Organiser). So here are my two cents of sociological wisdom:

"What happens if two sociologists discuss something? You end up with 4 different opinions (at least). While this might be annoying for non-sociologists it leads me to three aspects for today’s conference: on one side, we as sociologists, try to capture the world (whatever it actually is) by taking different perspectives. We take it not as black and white because it mostly isn’t black and white. Even if looking at the same thing there are always more questions than answers.
On the other side, as Simmel argues in his paper society and individuals are interdependent. The one can’t be understood without the other and only together both are possible. That is, why there is always (at least) 2 perspectives per sociologist. As Simmel writes the thing we understand as “real” is fragment of the real we are trying to understand. We can only get a small glimpse of the thing we are looking at. But we know about this insufficiency and impossibility of grasping the “natural” state of things. Thus, we always add something to what we are seeing. We are presented with something and we are seeing it. We think what we are meant to see and think what we should or ought to see. Both together may be similar but often vary and produce two perspectives for both society and individuals.
But above both sides, the question “How is … possible?” connotes simultaneously a fact and a contingency. Society is something which vanishes in the instant it emerges. It exists but is also constructed. So, the answer can only be a question and contingency. We as sociologists shape and are shaped by society. So are individuals. It is, after all, a very nice dilemma. And now lets go to the bbq and see how many opinions we manage to find…"

Puh, fortunately I spared the full thing and only did a brief recall of the day at the end of the conference. And then basically just said to stop thinking, no sociology anymore please, get back to the content of society, and come to the BBQ.

(oh, and the joke worked in the closing speech)

Finally happy???

Turn the page pt. 2...

Oh, and fortunately: I still haven't finished with my German degree and I can become a proper taxi-driver... :-D That's my consolation!

Turn the page...

...and close a chapter. I read a book last week by Coelho and there were quite a few lines dealing with freedom in it. One was: when you choose something and fail the scar from it hurts but if you are free to choose that something and fail the scar has a sweet taste and hurts less. Meaning, despite the tears and injury you enjoyed your freedom; obviously it's only in reference to oneself and doesnt mean to hurt someone else. anyho. It was something along those lines. And, as said in the foregoing post, I now had to de-register from my German university because they deemed me a career student and I would have had to start paying a few hundred euro tuition fees from next academic year onwards (mind you, there are usually hardly tuition fees at all). And it makes me a bit sentimental. I spent 3 1/2 years there, studying very interesting subjects, met people, went partying, had student jobs, and started to become a grown up (not very successful tho...). There are certainly some memories there; the only thing I didn't get was a degree because I still had half a year left and the examinations to do. But then I chose to go to England and stayed there (and spent more time doing the degree actually here than back there). I remained registered with the German university and even went back for a term because of the little thing examination left and just in case, somebody found out I had no first degree and throw me out here... Hm. neither happened so far, and won't hopefully in the future.

To cut a very long story short, when I started I always looked at those career student with a certain degree of distrust and now I'm one myself officially. It makes me sad to know that I have defo to leave the uni and will never be able to go back so easily. But then, I chose to go away and I'm happy here. And the scar of having to turn the page and close a chapter tastes sweet. MLU rulez...


(just bubbling away today as there wasnt a post for a few days and get some pressure of the (writing) system)

Hitchcock-esque Moment

I was recently back in Germany and thought I would have a kebab... And as I now got the notification from my old uni that I either have to pay higher tutition fees or to ex-matriculate myself I opted for the later and decided to have a last dinner on the main uni square. So, there I am sitting on the square with my kebab and watching the last sunshine of the day. Suddenly, a bird landed next to me and started to pick up the crumbs. I looked at him and he looked at me. He looked innocent and cute and I was thinking that he has a relaxed life and how much he must have got used to humans; he wasn't scared or else. Well, at one point I looked away and when I turned back to my kebab I only felt his wings in my face. That bloody bird was eating my kebab... And I couldnt do anything... Still in shock, I looked at him and his face was resembling a big broad smile, as if he was trying to say to me "you might be taller than me but I got your kebab, you ..." Hm. Alfred Hitchcock at his best...

Oh, and I throw the kebab away...

Just in between exam marking... watch here a schnaps would be nice, just ease the pain of reading stats over and over again...

The last day of May

...well, and i was just thinking it's the last day of the month and I just came back from some friends. Maybe a post, just for the sake of it. And yes, it was my birthday a few days ago. It was very nice, almost the way I thought was perfect. I'm now a year older, again, like every year. I feel the pain of old age... ;) my leg hurts, I wake up early, and sight gets bad... hehe ;) joking. just the leg is hurting, again. Probably from squash.

What I was going to say is that I was in Paris over the weekend and thus on my birthday. I really had a nice time and just enjoyed. I'm still smiling and very very happy. However I acknowledge that Paris might be one of the most romantic cities in the world. But, I think it's overrated because I think there are more and better place to feel romantic... And after all, isnt romanticism something you construct, and thus, can have everywhere? Do I really need Paris..? Can't it be Champ de Mars, Quebec; Granville Park, BC; Kühlungsborn; Wustrow... Je ne sais pas mais... While in Paris I listened to Jackson Browne. I went to his concert a few weeks ago and was amazed (apart from that, that my best mate invited me)... I hadnt heard much before from Browne but I fell instantaneously in love with the music when in concert. It's somewhere between Tom Petty, CSN (and Y), and Byrds. You have defo heard him before, remember Running on Empty in forrest gump? that's him. He also wrote the Pretender, sang "Stay (Just a little bit longer)", and some other well known songs (he wrote for the eagles, e.g.). So, I heard this one...



if you listen, the lyrics are quite good. He has very political lines and often quite subtle. What I like with this song is, that it is on one hand cheesy in its rhythm but going deep in its lyrics on the other hand... Do his eyes hurt because he has seen so much misery...? and never looked away? Wondering, can someone help him? Hm. I just liked it. I had other songs on my ear too. Gladys Knight. L'Art de Passage. Depeche Mode. To sum up, great birthday.

Where neuroses mushroom I want to be the landscape gardner

Just to today I heard Element of Crime again and then stumbled over that line, “Where the neuroses mushroom I want to be the landscape gardener.” It’s from their song lyrics “Tram of Death.” It’s sounds melancholic and depressive but the song is actually quite nice. And has only partially something to do with neuroses. Watch a self made video here.
There are two stories in the song: one about love and one about a “depressive”, ordinary German city, where everyone is a bit disillusioned, lyrics “where old people stand in corners ranting”, and the supermarket cashiers are rude, lyrics “supermarket of terror, where he being friendly looses’ (this has improved since the song came out; anyhow..). In other words, the ideal place to develop a neurosis from depression.
The protagonist (it’s unclear whether he or she) hangs out with “grey” and disillusioned people just to see his or her love. Basically, s/he tries to set up chance encounters, such as waiting at the paper recycling station until the love comes to dispose paper… Or, standing in the tram to a suburban dormitory town, where nothing happens (hence the title of the song), and enduring other people stepping on his/her feet. But all is fine, when the love enters the tram…
The song is actually quite nice because of these two stories told in one and the twist of feelings. The hate towards the city is turned into a hate-love because it is there where his or her love lives.

Oh, and what I wanted to say is this: sometimes I feel the same with my PhD. It is something that can really push you to the edge of desperation some times, depression looming. Fortunately not now, but there have been a few times over the last years when I was close on deleting the whole bloody thing... (that's nothing new, I guess). But then you have always something nice coming around. Like that, or that, or that (symbol for all others ;P). And many, many more things I like and love. :-# Then, the same twist happens like on the tram of death, and all is fine.

Paradoxical Time Management

This is what happens when you have to do something but can't concentrate because of sunshine. And that me, an atheist...



Maybe (s)he's with me too although I had two strange conversations with protestant missionaries in the last months which wouldnt go down too well.
If I believe in religion? No! But, you do in Christianity? No, last time I checked Christianity was a religion too!
Or,
Do you believe in God? No! But you know we all live in sin and have resurrection one day? Yes, still I like my sins. BUT you will suffer and regret for them!! (that guy was really shouting at me by his second question) Maybe, but at least it will be hot...

Seriously, I'm open for a discussion but not like this. Anyho, ...

Same from below, for English readers...

Who needs words
if one can kiss
Who needs words
if one has eyes to see
Who needs words
if one can smell
Who needs words
if one has hands, if one has hands to feel.

Feel what you touch

Wer braucht schon Worte
wenn er küssen kann
Wer braucht schon Worte
wenn er Augen hat zum sehn
Wer braucht schon Worte
wenn er riechen kann
Wer braucht schon Worte
wenn er Hände hat, wenn er Hände hat zum fühlen.

Manche Sachen braucht man halt nicht zu sagen... Ist ja auch besser so.

Back to Nature

Singing, Dancing, Electric Guitars...

(I know I had this song earlier but, well, music is part of the strip)

Apart from that, I love the outcome of the G-20. Not-only did Michele sat next to a former DSS-recipient and an ex-girl friend of an ex-drug addict but they also pumped 1 trillion into the economy (that's 1.000.000.000.000, or roughly equal the FTSE100 of early 2008, and double the US defense spending, mind you...). That helps a lot. Not only that Michele meeting Carla (my preference goes for Carla) is on top of the news on the BBC website but it also shows the incapacity of most world leaders... Despite the usual argument of the failure of capitalism it shows that we will leave our children (the sheeps and seeds of the future) yet another 1 trillion dollar, on top of the existing bill. The crisis triggered through lending is healed through just more lending. Welcome in the 1930s. We know what happened then but this time there will be no sweat or tears. But how about if we let the "market rule" and GM (including the European subsidies), Lloyds, royalBS, HRE, Fanny Mae, and all the others let fail?After all, they didn't plan for the future in one way or the other, just for the short-term illusion. It's bad to loose 3% of the US GDP through GM's failure (I understand that point) but it would ripple us to the needed awareness that a foot on the property ladder or 70mpgs aren't good enough for a climate change, the quality of the house you get (there is no such thing as value for money), or sustainable growth. It's good that they try to curtail the damage but they should seriously start to think what factors caused the crisis in the first place. It started in liberal Western countries (and it should stop there) and not in social market or transitionary communist economies. Capitalism leaves us with two problems: distribution and wishes. For the latter, we can't all have what we want. Never been so, and even in communist countries choice was limited. And distribution will always be arbitrary, yet can be dealt with. But when we mix wishes with distribution we get into trouble as we are now. I can wish more than I have but it won't be mine, it'll be the banks (or whomever who gives credit). The state can guarantee it through welfare but nothing more.

OK, anyway, let's leave it there. Enough ranting on about. Glad, that they found a solution at least. Whether it is the right one remains highly questionable. But it won't be over yet, it's still infant. What a rant, I shouldn't do economics.

oh, and what i think about the new like-function of Facebook: firstly, there is no -dislike function. you can't say that you dislike a particular statement or post of someone else. FB automatically assumes that you will like it, one way or the other. Secondly, you can still click like if you dislike the post/status because of that uncertainty. The problem on FB is the difference between the information (pure status) and the message (the post of status and thus information). If s.o. writes Obama was beaten up by g-twenty protestors I can like the fact that protestors were beating up but I can dislike the fact that he was beaten up. FB leaves no choice between this. I think FB should change its options in this regard because you can only like a message but never dislike. nonetheless, if you like a message it is never for sure whether you like the content of the message (I like the message) or the implications of the messaging (what did the poster of the message wants to say)... It's simple sociology there but FB should change it...

in the last months i have certainly turned fundamentally anti-british. something i would have never thought off before. but it kinda happened. after all, britain isnt that great as it appears or wants to appear. even british see the point. this country once ruled the world but it doesnt and hasnt done so for a very long time any more. and the sooner people realise the better. but on another note, i realised that some of my objections might be racist in the sense that i overstate them without any comparison. today we had a discussion whether british males, in a general sense and i know there exceptions, are overacting to proof their masculinity (e.g. loud cars, abusive behaviour, beating up people, shouting c*** and w***** whenever possible) whenever possible. Well, I didn't know the answer to if a few other nations' males do the same. E.g. Mexican. I'm still thinking about it and I admit that my first rejection is wrong and that I have to rethink it. But still the question persists, why there are males (let's face it) who have fast cars, want to beat you up (without provocation), or think patriarchy is god-given.

Cake

again

Off those shores

the world continues. After reading a few essays which were Anglo-centric, e.g. strive for cosmetical surgeries is a sole British phenomenon or it's the non-native teacher's fault if students don't like him or her, maybe a bit new music for distraction.



Apart from that, happy that Britain wants to keep track on all conversations on social networking sites and only an approximate 1/4th of the governments databases are in stark violation of human rights... finally I can fart on FB and Gordon will know it instantaneously. If a bloke doesn't loose the records on the train beforehand. Ah, 25 years later... We should have a cake.

omg, i'm disgusted from notting hill. nice movie, funny and entertaining entertainment. but deep below, how far did feminism ever go? it the end, it is all about the boy doing the right things (apart from grant's posh accent). seriously, has feminism never happened? this feels wrong, and it is wrong. not as bad as gone with the wind but still the stereotypes are there. after erin brockovish she should have done better...

Yes, I still am.

I recently heard this song in a movie and it took quite a while to find out whether it's Bryan Ferry or David Bowie. In the movie, it didn't sound like Ferry and accidently there is a Bowie version as well. Anyway. If there is something by Roxy Music.



And there was something. I'm still young, shaking my pony tail, and rather splendid. What else can you say when you wake up with a broad smile on your face every day for whatever reason? Go, and get a life. He knew right then, he was too far from home. But I like it. 2008 was looking so right, above all the lights it had all of my skin. Seeing some old friends, was doing good for my own soul. And then came that morning, spending all nights alone in L.E.. Was giving and chill, in those high-born hills, with a passion that kills. I dropped all that nights, and lights for the rights. None is mine, in 2009. Plenty of smile, and hungry hearts.

Felix is...

on vacation. esto un turista! Salut, Widerluege, Schüß, Later, Hasta luego, við sjáumst aftur!

I'm being talkative today

if there is one album i would have to recommend to someone, it's dark side of the moon by pink floyd. i think it comprehends many situations one faces in one's life and it is a consistent, coherent and enjoyable cd; considering that someone wants to have something "round" and not just fast-pace-like-easy digestible-blur-of-something, like wiley, vampire weekend or lykke li. something proper. that album i think, you will have to go for.

but I'm open for suggestions! just tell me, what you think is THE album!

and besides this, maybe this one is expressing my feelings:



Feel so low some days
And only I can taste
Resent security
Obscuring all I see

In my mind
In my mouth
In my soul
Only you provide these symptoms that I show

I could go out in style
Go back from where I came
But luck sees to us all
And rarely plays the game

In my mind
In my mouth
In my soul
Only you provide these symptoms that I show

We've seen it all through many years of lonesome hell
Back to a place where we all terminate, we terminate

I guess that's getting the point. It's all in my mouth about everything but I'm unable to say it properly because of the stuff which has happened in the past, and going back before that is impossible, regardless how much I try. You know what there is right now:

:)

nothing more, nothing less. Go for it, mate!

just to avoid misunderstandings, i was wrong with 48 days, it's actually 42. but this doesn't change it. and the post's pure sarcasm; but I'm also not saying that everyone who hasn't "attended" the war on terror has a white vest. there is s*** going on in every country, Germany included, with her new legislation regarding ID cards and "ahead storage" of e-mails as well as phone numbers one has called, of everyone living in Germany. I fear that 20 years on, in 2014, the world has absolutely reached its "dooms day". Sadly as it is, maybe even before.

I'm looking forward to be away for a vacation in a few days. As much as I love Britain there are some things I can't come to terms with, things I truly find disgusting. Saying this, I leave it there. It has been a more or less nice day with much of happiness and smiles; maybe it was less after all. As read the other day, men are like clouds. If they go away in the morning it could actually be a nice day.

p.s. i was thinking, would the reverse of this joky remark be sexist or not? i guess it is.

This is what I'm talking about, come on

Lee is the apprentice, the colchester mp disses france and germany for saying No to a war, and Britain got rid of the magna charta.
Let Lee sell the now obsolete "paper" to Those people on the continent for a further 48 days while the MP joines Bush on the jury board for the next Who wants to have a clean record and tells them "You are fired!" Yeah, this is what I'm talking about!

BBQ

Last week we had a BBQ. There were a few reasons for this. Almost end of term, birthdays, a late friend, to catch up... Before I indulge here are some pictures, speaking for themselves.

Summer, Food, and Sun
(Thanks to Sim who took the pictures)

and: The Beauty of Smoking
First, it's a stream of cloud. Then it dips into light and forms sheep, circles, trains, faces, phantasy.... and it's pure physics, well with a little help of biology.
There is a lot talking going on about the bad things of smoking. But there might be a good thing if one is a fan of phantasy. Sometimes I lie on my couch (the best times are when you have a hang over or are on your way to have one, but not a necessity...) and having a cig and then exhale. it pretty much goes like the description above. It's a stream of blue, smelly something but as soon as sun or a light comes into the game it is fascinating. You can see little animals and other shapes. I dream off then and my mind wanders (nothing to do with drinking or other drugs). It's like being on a big summer field and watching the sky. Blue, clouds, low skies. It's a good way to dream and dig out your fantasy. The other day, when I followed my little blue animals, I saw how they dived away under a light bulb. And I think it's almost pure physics. The air around the bulb is slightly warmer than the rest which creates a stream like the one with weather. It's really fascinating.

For Sale

Something else. It's no wonder Tiscali Broadband is to be sold soonish. They offered me the "incredible" chance to move my landline to them and save 120 pounds a year! Great. "It would include a 12 months contract with them and a 120pound one-off fee to release me from BT"; but "you still could save 120 pounds per year..."
I honestly think Tiscali should do their maths before they call someone. I dont know if I will be in the UK in two years time when their offer starts to pay off in the third year of the new contract.

he woke up from a noise. he was driving into an industrial estate, lots of shops, towards an aldi store. they had a cafe there, the new ones like in mcdonalds, with latte, cappuccino and iced coffee. he wondered whether to buy a caramel shortbread with it. when he opened his eyes, it took him time to realise that he wasnt in an aldi store anymore. nor that he was going to order a latte with a caramel shortbread which would have been really delicious. the sun began to spread its rays into his bedroom. he collected his thoughts. no aldi, no latte, as much as he dreamed of. it was going on for days now. he couldnt remember the last night where he hasnt had that dream. driving into an industrial estate, lots of shops, seeing an aldi, to buy food. it always stop there. he bought food after the first dream. but it came back every night. he wondered whether this was a sign. a sign for something he hadnt thought of before. maybe his unhealthy diet, the pasta with meatballs every now and then. the chips with mayonnaise every other day. he had changed his diet, even eating less prawns. but still, the dreams were coming every night. as if to tell him something. he opened his eyes fully and soaked in the rays. the clock said 6 o'clock. morning. a new day to live with. he gathered his thoughts and gathered his thoughts. could he do another day? or would it be the day where he finally started to move on? he didnt know it yet. he didnt simply know. maybe this was the explanation of his dreams. his life was cheap like aldi. only one decision, whether to enhance the caffeine kick of brownish hot water with a caramel shorbread. nothing else. not, whether to save a man. to save the planet. to change something for the higher goal. nothing like it. only a coffee. he felt cheap and had to go out of his bed. his bedroom. his flat. away from it all. the sun tickled him and made him sneeze. yet another sign. his health was deteriorating. headaches, pain, feeling unwell. maybe he had done it all wrong and this was his punishment, tailored by someone to suit him. maybe he deserved all this. the dreams, the sleepless nights, the coughs, the pains. he had to do something. he looked around in his bedroom, just to find nothing new, and got up. his day had finally begun.

It's a natural fact
That I wanna come back,
I've been gone so long I know what to do
and I've been feeling this way for such a long time,
Taking me where I want to be
I've paid my dues to make it
I'm not happy when I try to fake it
Just I'm bound
Finally I've found,
That I belong here.

Whenever the world is cruel you have to be cruel to be kind
Then I'll be closer
Smiling with the mouth of the ocean
And I'll wave to you with the arms of the mountain
Step beside the piece of the circumstance
Look in the eye and testify

I do. Nothing to lose, nothing to hide. Except myself.

it has been going on for months now. generally so many things happen, which i could give account of here, but i'm really just bored. wanna taste? ages i went to a concert of someone i never heard of before. it was really nice and i got a free cd. he's "dylan-esque" i've been told and i liked it (although there was wolfmother's woman on right now; good if you are able to copy led zeppelin...). then i did some grocery shopping and had a nice talk with the cashier (not simon this time; i dont know if i wrote about simon before. he works every sat and he likes cricket. he's also a cashier and we used to have quite a few chats...). we talked about self-made food and the use of spices. and in between, i learned that proposing by women is not only a nordic tradition (as i had been told before) but also an english. good to know customs. one ladette actually proposed on air. nice one. basically, i live like a child right now: my eyes are open and everything seems so bright. i enjoy every breath i take, every single brick in a wall is like a god's gift, and everything seems to be a miracle to me.
so things are happening and i'm already happy if only the day begins (although this certain makes me happy, im not sure why yet). i've been watching lots of movies lately, i could write about. i liked twin sisters, days of glory, and fears in public places. and surely, amelie. if there is anything such romantic as this one, nice. or i could write about a former student of mine who wants a reference from me. so when i say bored, it's not bored with life. its bored that everything is going well. but never praise the day before its over. anyhow, i went for cakekitchen and candy dulfer the other day. tho they are quite different, it's nice to listen to them at different times. i found it splendid the other day, when there was a comment on a former post. i should have written a reply, a thank you at least. but a certain maniana attitude sneaked in. life is after all just beautiful. i mean if everything fails you can go home. because home is where, when you go there, they have to let you in. (not mine, i read it the other day). then i made quite a jump the other day as a decision came after a long wait. oh, im happy because one of my gifted plants starts to buddy! miracles of nature! i love to stand outside and see it blossoming. its awesome how it takes off and yet another life comes.
i went opposite mersea the other day for the first time. i always saw some lights and land from mersea island (well, people who know mersea know that you have something else in mind if you talk about an island; mersea is more like spilt over land slip; but bloody nice tho). so i went. luckily there is no nuclear power plant (you know what the peace sign is made from...? the navy flag signals for nuclear disarmament). there is just a coal power plant. and i found a tiny shell. lovely. splendid.

its all a bit confusing and thrown together but never mind; sorry. ups, downs, the usual stuff. which makes it exciting. im just a bystander trying to soak it all up.