Swallowing in music

I usually listen to music while driving but from CDs and not radio. i just cant stand this top 20 electro, pop shit which is played up and down all day. its all the same and the worst of all is the comments of the so-called moderators of such shows. their talking could be reduced to zero, nothing substantial there. anyhow. i recently had to choose new cds for driving. it lasted long until i found something and to cut a long story short, i ended up with john mellencamp. ivent really listened to him for years (in the literal meaning). its '80s rock music (again, the old topic) and i got into him when i saw "jack and diane" on tv. i kind of instantaneously fell in love with this guitar, clapping and single tone response thing at the beginning.
i remember that i listened to him in the car quite often when i was doing my civil service and served my country (i would do this again and even would introduce a law that requires a year of CIVIL service. a moving experience for life). this is one song by him. it sounds like a homage to us and praising it. but listen to the lyrics. its not. america is hypocratic. its true. he did kind of a similar song in 2003 with "to washington" where hes singing about the narrow win of bush.



so when i was listning to mellencamp, after 7 years now, i remembered my civil service. these nice little trips to town to deliver meals or do paper work at the bank. i had 30 mins or so to get to town, preparing the meal and getting back. i managed to get it all done in 15 mins but i was driving like a wanker. around a 100 km/h was the highest (tho never flashed, but im not really proud of it!). but it was more driving short cuts and avoiding ways with traffic lights. however, it was nice to deliver meals because the woman always was happy to see and to talk to someone. she was a cello player in a opera orchester and got the Handel medal in the mid-30s. sometimes she was talking about a dinner with the fuhrer. it was part of her life. it was interesting to listen to her and hear her stories. though sometimes it was boring as well. especially when i was really in a hurry and parking in 'deep yellow' zones... but one day, i brought her food for the last time as she couldnt live on her own any longer. i entered the flat and she has lost some poo which i had to clean up. after that she lived in the care home. i dont know what happened to her. but she was happy.
the whole civil service was really a strange experience. one of the residents notoriously run away. she was mostly violent and hit other people. and she wanted to go somewhere. nothing wrong with that, but she didnt know where to she wanted or where she was actually. once she managed to leave at about 5 in the evening. i drove around 20 minutes afterwards and tried to find her. but it was impossible. she just had disappeared. my work finished at 7 and on my way back home i saw her about 7 kilometers away, standing a large roundabout. i stopped and wanted to pick her up. but she was already gone. when i came to work next day i was told that she went as far as to a shopping center about 20 kilometers from the care home away, within 3 hours. this is really not bad. i never got to know how she got that far. she must have taken the bus. but no one cared and tried to stop her or talk to her. just shows that everybody just minds own business. it was also strange to see people ageing. i mean, i have known this before so this is not the point. it is just the thing that within the one year some's mental abilities decreased (i dont know how to express this better). at the beginning you could talk to them and they would remember you everytime. then gradually, they forgot you and you had to explain who you are. and then began to talk about things from their childhood. current events became less important. or just they couldnt remember anymore. from this circle there was no excape. once their health decreased they were bound to the bed and it never got better again. or maybe just slightly, but only for a short time. at the very end of my official service i had a very nice conversation with one of the residents. he served in the east german army where they screwed him mentally. he became depressive and psychological weak. we talked about paintings and where he had gone to holiday. the next day he jumped out of the window with apparently no reason. i had to clean up the blood from the walkway. i wont forget this. it was said that he didnt take his anti-depressiva in the evening. he survived tho and got back from hospital after a few months. he is still there.
it went a bit personal now and i drifted away from the music. it was going around my mind a bit the last weeks. it was a very interesting and moving time. i dont want to miss that despite such things. but i couldnt do it for a living. ive no strength to survive it really. people working there are very admirable and do unique things. and mostly women.

hm, i also found syd matters and listened to it. a bit franco canadian rock. and, too, about the us.