Call 999, immediately!

Please call 999 immediately!! I've to clean up my flat and I don't want to. Well, ok, it's not that serious. It goes easier: dispense some petrol over easily-burning things (books are quite good; wood from furniture not so much as there is too much chemicals in it which should prevent fire, just consult the fire certifacte of your closet); make sure they well soak up the petrol! Then distribute some ammunition that is left over throughout the flat (maybe you ask the local heavy ammunition dealer you most trust for some second-hand grenades, mines, or high precision bombs). If you have a gas cooker, open it, but dont light the flame yet. With the rest of your petrol draw a line to your front door. Before you light the fire make sure really everything (I mean really, really everything), which need to be cleaned, is in your flat. Maybe also anyone with whom you have to settle old scores. So, then, stand comfortable in your front door frame, light a cigarette (not with the match!), inhale, turn around as if you would leave and while turning around, light the match and throw it over your right shoulder. If you hear a boom you did everything right, congratulations. The only risk there is, is that the match goes out while throwing it. So make sure all windows are closed and it's lull. Oh and just a hint: have an insurance.

No, I'm not becoming nuts (and my flat is cleaned up, pretty well). I just read on an online newspaper that a nine-year girl called the police because she had to clean up her room. When the police arrived they found her sitting in front of a mess of toys. The police convinced her to clean and controlled the result after two hours. I will call the police as well next time because cleaning is against fundamental human rights. Every person has the right to live in a complete mess. Basta!