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just saw that i already have posted some entries within a couple of hours opening that blog. why not one more?! i will get so bored with my blog in a few days time that i should really use the hours i have left and leave some mustard here.

today nothing happened what would be of interest to the world. i got up, yes unbelievable i know, had shower, read some internet (but not that kind of internet), and did some work. like any other day. but then i had this kind of experience where a second could change your life within a second. Everything could be different now if something would have happened in that second, or rather something would have been verified. but it was not. and im a bit relieved about it. sometimes, life really depends on seconds. which is amazing and somewhat frightening at the same time. one second, one bloody second, one tiny little fraction of time can decide for the rest of my life. like that one smile in last early october. im happy about that smile. very much indeed. isnt this very exciting? things can change so fast, so unforeseen. ping, ping and everything is different. and i cant do nothing about it. but, refering to an earlier comment today (yeah, the second one) isnt this very interesting? to get to know things by experience? opening a new door, attending an induction for something, and something new, life-changing comes, lurks behind the door? i was asked whether i think it was first sight. i think it was. it really was. thunderbolts are nothing in comparison to this. i didnt think of it. i didnt wait for it. i didnt assume it. i didnt expected it. and then it happened. the famous second. just a second. but all changed. a new twist to life. everything goes differently. how nice. i love it. i love that second in last october. its a bit like travelling. i love how things have gone since that.

Life is a journey: one never knows, where one will arrive, where you are heading to, who you meet. But this makes it so exciting. This, what one will get, one will has in his bag (what one can pick from that journey called life). One never knows, what one will find. Only one thing one will know: because it’s going on, one has to look forward. Stopping travelling, is something one should not do; maybe some time, when one met her, going slower and with her. Arriving could mean, stopping to live. Hopefully, one will never arrive. Once one met HER, one should travel in a compartment, not open plan carriage; first class, not economy. Finally, all one sees he will see with his heart. Eyes are blind.

life is really a journey. i live and things happen. omg. this is great. i cant do nothing about it. i dont have to control it. i dont have to worry about it. it will just happen. regardless i plan it, i think about it, i worry about it, i want it, i like it, i love it, regardless what i do. it will happen. it happens. this gives me some relief. that things will happen. and im free to experience them. im able to experience them. i will survive them. coz life will go on. the journey always goes on. i just like to grab the moment, to enjoy the moment, trying to make it last, to make a common time out of it, to see what else can happen, what else i can control. but at the end of the day, i havent the power to direct it. which is good. i will give it a go all of it because i like to regret things ive done than regretting never done it. or in german: lieber getanes bereuen, als bereuen, es nie getan zu haben. at the end of the day everything will look different than in the morning. its now 3 or so and i dont even know what will happen at 4. maybe a plane will crash into my flat (it wouldnt be a waste to get rid of that flat tho i dont know about me... others have to decide).

the other day i decided to pick up a friend in cambridge at 10 in the evening. just so. i didnt know i will do it when i got up that day. but it was lovely. living the day and enjoying the things that come. (just now, something good and relieving happened. i got something and i dont have to worry. i was waiting for it a couple of days and now its there. i didnt know when it will be. now it is. no worries anymore. this is how things can go.) so, this was really nice. at 8pm i didnt know where i pick him up. or if i pick him up at all. but then i did. i could do this for a friend. and i did this for me in some respect (though i hope for a drink on his expense... shandy would be nice). and above all, i didnt know him until a few weeks ago. this is just amazing (not breath-taking, other things are breath taking, hauptsächlich solche, die als diamanten erscheinen......). and now, im picking him up an hour drive away. the point is simply that seconds can decide future. some seconds do more, others do less. and not every second is important. i know. there will be days, where nothing will happen. or at least, it seems like. but there is always a chance. no one knows in advance what will happen. the best thing, i think, is to enjoy the second and to try to have these kinds of "second surprises". like the other day where we spontaneously went to dover. being optimistic and hedonistic about one's own life and try to get the very most out of it. i dont want to wait all the time that a second might change my life. sometimes i like to create a second where it changes. just so. and then, i can change my day, my life. it goes back a bit to my control. but still it is out of my control as im not alone. there are other in that "game". my friend could have said he will go straight back to colchester. the smile could have been just a smile. dover wouldnt have been nice. but there werent, he didnt. life went that way today and then, in the past. ive to live with it. i love to live with it. i dont have to worry about the past. everything is fine. i love the moments i had, the seconds i had. i cant change them, i dont want to change them. i only can try to create more such moments, such seconds, which might give my life a new twist and change it; sometimes just a bit, sometimes fundamentally.

hm, i just wanted to tell about my day. but it seems as if i drifted away a bit. and told about my life though i didnt really intended to. maybe blogs are kind of a valve for something else. i have to think about it.