My problem has a name

... and it is called Eurobarometer44_2-Stata. Of course, everyone who thinks something of her-, him- or itself has a double-name. By the way, these were quite fashionable during the 90s in Germany. Now you are going back to one surname only. anyhow it is, my problem is stata in conjunction with Eurobarometer 44_2 (not to mention Eurobarometer 56_1, this is the next on my desk). To put it short, I'm basically screwed. I have been sitting on this for month now and all I managed to do was to write the syntax, so that I might get some results from it. I'm stuck. I'm more than stuck. This is almost getting nowhere. I could finish it tomorrow if I want to (or have to). But with every little thing I solve there will be a new thing/problem. I have several difficulties: firstly, this is a huge dataset and Im scared that i will mess it up and get some "subjective" outcomes, things im looking for but which are not true in the end; i manipulate the data until it fits my imagination. second, its the first time im working with stata and almost everything is new; nonetheless, stata is better than spss, but only once you figured out how it works (and im still working on it). thirdly, i have no one who i can talk to about this; who in hell is bothering with stats??? i dont want to talk to geeks; stats isnt my favorite and will never be, but the only ones who know about stats seems to be geeks. paska. fourthly, once i cracked one problem there will be defo another one. this is what i am working on today, yesterday, the day before, the day before the day before, the day before the day before the day before, ...



ok, what im trying to achieve is to have a variable which comprehends 15 (or so) others and gives me an indication how people will or wont get sick from their job. it would be easy if there is only one option, people can choose from, and not for each variable one. this problem isnt really solvable in a good way, except ignoring individual choices and just comprehend them somehow. This would be the easiest one. but why do i want to have it like this? everyone can do it. i really dont know why. im really screwed here. i really would need one, telling me you will be fine. i believe in you. you will get it done. this is what i would need right now. no pity, no tipps (tho i wouldnt say no to them). all i need is emotional support. the rest will be solved. i hope i can somehow solve this kind of problem quite soon and everything will be alright. about the other difficulties i have. i think i can manage them somehow. of course it is a new software but the more i do the more i will know about it. it was the same with spss. before i did my masters i know the basic functions of spss but nothing more. the more i did on spss the more i got to know and i now know what someone can do on spss and what not. Secondly, i wont mess up the data really. i have a play-along dataset with which i can try out commands, im not quite sure about, and at the end only things i need will be saved. i dont have any worries there. even if the outcomes just fit my imagination, so be it. no one will ever bother to calculate things i did. too much work. im defo on the safe side there. just, thirdly, i do miss a person i can talk to. not necessarily about specific commands or so. the person doesnt have to be an expert in stats. just someone who can give some valuable feedback in the form of, you will get through it or maybe even, why havent you tried this. this would be great. but there isnt anyone like this, tho there are a few in germany (but far away).and finally, also problems are not solvable as luhmann would say. i think i can solve them. and they are just some form of excitement. with every new problem that evolves i will get the motivation to solve it. it made me really, really, really happy the other day when i solved that one problem which bothered me for weeks. all i need to do was to type an ` instead of an ' . but you have to know that. i was really, really happy. i know i will crack the problem i described above and in the picture. i will defo laugh about his in a few days time.


my parents offered me that i can come back to germany when i cant cope with this anymore. i dont even have to say a word. just come back to germany. i said no because, so far it has been more or less the best time of my life. i have developed and im the person i like to be, with past and history. im happy about all what happend, what it made out of me. i rejected the offer. tho it is really good to know i have it. im not seriously thinking about it. im spending a thought here and there. there are many issues involved with it. its somehow again a crucial turning point. i cant go back to germany really. i dont fit it there anymore. i could stay here. but somehow it feels, as if i decide now how the rest of my life will look like. the option which seems quite likely is that i will finish my phd and then go to the place wherever i find a job. be it england. be it us. be it canada. be it australia or alaska (both are the ideal, at least for a year or so). my holidays will depend on conferences where i will give papers (and these can be everywhere). my relationships will be long distance or short-term until the next move. most friendships will be bound by time, basically limited by the time im at one certain place. this mind sound tempting to some, that you can travel, will see places, be international, be excited all the time.... but on the other hand, it is quite scary because at the end of the day, my only HOME will be my laptop where i have access to the internet. there i can chat with friends, talk about my life, check my emails. it will be my base, nothing else. i will be homeless in a global age (no worries there, i possibly wont end up sleeping under a bridge). you can say its ok, come over it and get yourself together. but think seriously about it. do seriously. i will always be somehow on the run. to the next job. to the next country. there wont (probably) a fix point, except my laptop. it is tempting tho. but scary as well. i know i can go back to germany and will meet friends i ve known for ages. but at the end of the day, i will be somehow a lost person. lost in globalised world. i cant even start a relationship now because who the hell knows where i will be in 2 years?!? not in essex, not in germany. thats for sure. but were else. im lost. im really lost. i hope that at the end of the day i could say "all right now". I really hope so.

Free All right now


I think it will be like this. Being a lost person. nowhere at home, except where my laptop is and where i can communicate with my friends who might be next door or 1000s of kilometers away. i will be alright, and i dont want any pity. just some kind of, you are strong, you will get through it, i believe in you, would be nice. i will arrange with it. i will defo laugh about this post in 20 years time. now, it just scars me. im really scared. deep inside i feel lost, whatever i pretend to be on the outside.

I dont know what to write anymore. Im screwed here and I would have needed some mental support. that's all. nothing more and nothing less.