the great gig in the sky...

...is played by pink floyd. although supertramp is on now, it is the point. the first three, four weeks of this new year have past like seconds and yet i experienced them like month. the year hasnt really started yet but i already had 2 gigs and will have another confirmed 5 this year, plus 4 others... for each 20 pages, some fancy tables, and miles on the road (i need a roadie). in between there is a journal, who wants to. there will be also a gig in the house of commons in spring, although not on my phd topic. but on the relationship between "the kategorischem imperativ, the cash nexus, the thames link and the impact of europa riding across borders" (dont take the last too serious. there was a series in the guardian over the past couple of weeks on greek mythology, i dont know if they mentioned europa and her bull. otherwise, its roman pre-christian mythology. bla, bla. apart from that, i cant write the real name of the project here because otherwise google saves it and i might get in trouble. confidentiality, you know it all...). for the last i squeezed in some statistic sessions every now and then. i can proof the positive as well as the negative sides of the relationship, as usual. i guess i will have to focus on the negative sides... in other words, i will have to bend my tongue into the right direction to lick someone's else bum... it goes even further (my public website has to be adjusted, my CV, my phd sample). supertramp played "good bye stranger" and is now going over to "logical song".
the first gig of this year was really strange. not only that it was in front of my old professors but also it was in german. i was really scared beforehand as these guys know me a bit and what nonsense i spread in their classes. and they know stats. they really do. if you translate essex with its qualitative knowledge into quantitative, you will get the idea. when i worked in germany during the summer i had to answer tough questions about reliability, analyses' methods, confidence levels, factor analysis, cluster analysis, and so forth. up to the point, why using stata instead of spss. questions i can honestly not answer because they are plain nonsense. so given this context, i shit myself. no joking. anyhow, they didnt really come up in the discussion. the thing about german, this is also a torture. i managed to present 60% of my presentation fluently in german. with the other 40 percent, i really had to think hard. to make it short, i cant speak german any more. for basic everyday conversation its sufficient but as soon as it goes beyond that it becomes horrible. i wish i would never have learned it and can sincerely say, im not german. in terms of language, im caught between two seats. i cant speak english and i cant speak german. great. you know what i do with an email of two lines..? i send it to a german proof reader, and this is no joke either. its necessary. why, why were i born as a german...?!?

i dont know if there will be a post like this in the near future again. im fed up with it, honestly speaking. it's roughly 600 days until the end of my phd and im counting the days. and i hate that mourn too much. and i hate that i love it.

ok, im through with it and no pixie like being can tell me otherwise. im off to dance now, recharging my battery and you should do the same!!!